Signs of Distress

Has your babysitter relationship totally deflated? Check the warning signs to find out.

Babysitters should, as a rule, be timely, cheerful and happy to see your kids. Of course the sitter is allowed to have a bad day, but if she seems more cranky than cheerful more often than not, it could be a sign that it's time for you to start interviewing for her replacement.

So what exactly are the signs of distress in a babysitting relationship? How do you know if her attitude is a one-time thing or something more? Here are our signs that something is off with your babysitter:

Defensiveness

If your babysitter is reluctant to answer specific questions or talk to you about the kids' day, this is a red flag. Sullenness, resentment or anger at having to talk about activities that took place during the job is unacceptable. You have every right to know what's been happening with your kids, and if she's getting defensive, you have to wonder what she's really hiding.

Suspected Lying

If you suspect your babysitter is lying, ask your babysitter about the day out of earshot of your kids, then confirm her report separately with them later. If she is lying, consider letting her go. Lying is a hard habit to break, and you'll always be left wondering if she's telling an accurate story or spewing out a tall tale. What's more, your impressionable kids might pick up on the fact that the babysitter has no problem lying, and they may end up picking up the habit.

Disappearing Acts

If your babysitter won't answer the phone when you call while she's babysitting your kids, question her thoroughly as to why she did not answer, whether she was in the house and why she did not report her location to you. It doesn't matter where she took your kids - the issue is that she took them without clearing the outing with you first. She may have the authority to choose snacks for the kids, but she's definitely overstepping her boundaries if she thinks it's OK to pull a Ferris Bueller.

Excessive TV Watching

This is bad for both your kids and their babysitter. There's only so many claims you can make about SpongeBob being educational before it really just gets scary.

Excessive Phone Use

If the babysitter is using your phone, this symptom is easy to identify, but if your babysitter is using a cell phone, it gets harder. If you think your babysitter is phone-obsessed to the point of it being dangerous for your kids, ask them for reports on phone usage at the end of the day, or question your neighbors who may see the sitter chatting it up on her cell while the kids play outside.

Gossip

If a babysitter chatters constantly to you about other kids and parents in a negative way, don't bother to question whether she's doing the same about you. She is. Some babysitters feel as though they have to represent other employers to the parent of the hour in a negative light. If you have a babysitter that does this, consider talking to her about her immature attitude.

Depression

Depression in a babysitter will affect your kids, no matter how light the babysitter tries to make it. If your babysitter seems tired of life, tired of working and tired of living in general, consider calling her parents or a friend to see if she needs help, or move on to another babysitter and honestly let your current sitter know what the issue is. Here's a list of signs of depression, straight from the Mayo Clinic.

Constant Complaints

If your babysitter complains constantly about her home, family and love life, these are signs that she is headed for depression. In extreme cases, a babysitter's problem with their love life may intrude upon a job, so watch out for this. At the very least, she's too distracted to perform her duties and too wrapped up in the negative to be a good influence on your children.

Signs of Overachieving

If a babysitter appears to toss herself without limits into every job pushed at her, she is bound to overbook at some point and cause you, herself or someone else pain. Of course, striving for excellence is a quality we often admire in a person, so if your sitter is an overachiever, take note of any changes in her behavior, which could signify depression. If she's pushing herself to achieve so much, there's pressure (coming from herself or from others) to be successful. Falling short of those goals is not an option in her mind, and the stress may really take a toll.

Signs of Abuse

If a babysitter has bruises, is excessively thin, or seems to have a lot of "accidents," consider using someone else. When a babysitter is abused she often feels powerless and confused, and might bring this attitude into an emergency situation. Not to mention that she should also be spending time in therapy, not at a babysitting job.

A Patronizing Attitude

If your babysitter appears to be patronizing you, not only is this a huge sign of disrespect, but she also won't take your opinions seriously. Sometimes babysitters will adopt a patronizing attitude because they think it makes them seem older, but more often than not, a babysitter will just get over-inflated ideas about her own parenting skills. You may have to explain to her that when she has her own children, she may parent them as she chooses, but your kids are to follow your rules.

Unusual Aggression

If your babysitter is unusually aggressive about pay or free time, this could turn into something nasty for you. If you're paying her at or close to the standard rate for the area, and you feel that your scheduling is perfectly reasonable, ask her to back off. If she doesn't, you might need to get rid of her, since it's apparent that she will never be happy with what you believe to be fair terms.

Lack of Communication

When your babysitter takes the kids out, a detailed note should always be left behind for you, and outings should be agreed upon in advance. Sudden outings on a whim are unusual and should be curbed immediately.

If you sense that something is off in your care relationship, we always suggest that you find another caregiver. Even a gut reaction is enough to make a judgment. At the end of the day, it's your family and your children, and it's up to you to decide what's best for them.