First Things First: How to Cope With Missing Milestones

Note to self: NOT the way to cope.

Your office phone rings and the caller ID flashes your home number. It's the nanny. Your heart starts beating as fast as a hummingbird's wings and you quickly put the receiver to your ear. Your stress subsides when you hear a chirpy voice on the other end of the line. "You'll never believe what just happened! Sam just said 'cookie!' His first words!"

You're thrilled, but your smile quickly fades as you're stricken with a strange feeling. Sam said his first word and you weren't there to hear it. You wonder if you made the right decision when you returned to work.

While only you can know the answer to that, we're here to help you cope with missing your baby's milestones. This list features things you should keep in mind (print it out and place it by your office phone if you need to) while you're away from your little one.

You're Not Alone

Most moms and dads who returned to work after their baby is born miss a lot of "firsts." There's a long list of baby's firsts: sit up, roll over, babble, crawl, walk, talk and so on. You're sad that you're missing all of these important firsts and you may even be resentful of the person spending their days with your baby who gets to witness them all. These feelings come with the territory, and who better to share them with than a parent who's been through it already? Sittercity's message boards are a great place to share your thoughts and concerns if you don't have a close friend in the same situation.

Caregivers Miss These Moments Too

Here's a little secret for you - the nanny didn't really see little Sam's first steps either. Here's what really happened: the nanny set Sam down by the couch and absent-mindedly placed his favorite toy on the loveseat. Nanny walked into the kitchen and when she returned, Sam had waddled his two little feet over to the loveseat. Nanny, putting two and two together, gasped and exclaimed something along the lines of, "Oh, Sam you walked!" Then she picked up the phone, dialed your number and told you that you would never believe what you just missed. Technically, though, she missed it too.

Redefine "Firsts"

In all reality, "firsts" are hard to pinpoint. The nanny may swear that she just saw your baby's first smile, but first of all, was that really the first time he ever cracked a grin? If it's the first time she's seen it, it counts as a first - the same goes for you. You might not have seen the true first smile, but the first time your little one curls his lips at you, it's a first. Period. Secondly, keep in mind that while the nanny may be ecstatic over Sam's "first" smile, it may be a result of bad gas instead of a burst of happiness. Oops.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

You may want a detailed daily report from the nanny so you can feel that much more connected to your child even though you were stuck in meetings all day, but one idea for managing your guilt is to ask Nanny not to tell you about every new trick or moment she witnessed from you child each day. We know, it sounds crazy! But if you spare yourself this anxiety ("I can't believe the nanny saw that moment before I did! Will he do it again? Why isn't he doing it again? Was that - no, he's still not doing it. Come ON, smile for Mommy.") and will make it that much more exciting when you do witness the moment yourself - it will seem much more like a "first" when you don't expect it.

Picture-Perfect Preparation

If the "don't ask, don't tell" policy is so not you, we've got other solutions. Stash a disposable camera in each room in the house. Let your nanny know where they are and encourage her to use them like there's no tomorrow! Even if you miss the first time your baby pulls himself up in the crib, you've got the evidence right on film.

Grab the Video Camera

The same goes for the video camera. Make sure it's in an easily accessible spot and everyone knows where to find it. Chances are after your baby takes a first step, he'll take another and if you're lucky, that one will be caught on camera.

Virtual Viewing

If you're sitting at a desk all day, set up a webcam on both of your computers at work and home. Then place the baby's toys, blankets and playpen in front of your camera at home. Now you've got an all-day view of your precious treasure! (Just make sure the nanny knows how to turn it on! Also make sure that she's aware if it's doubling as a nannycam.)

Know That This is Only the Beginning

While it may seem at times like you're missing out, keep in mind that the list of firsts never ends. Think of all the firsts you will be there for: first day of school, dance recital, soccer game, report card, crush, school dance - it never ends. Keep your head up. Keep your eyes open. And just in case, keep your cell phone on. (You never know.)