Good Babysitter Communication Tip Sheet

True, communication is often nonverbal. But you and your sitter can't just rely on subtle cues to get your points across.

We can't stress enough how important it is to keep a clear, open line of communication between you and your babysitter. If things are left unsaid, you'll find yourself and your babysitter becoming increasingly unsure of what is needed in the child care relationship. This can cause one or both of you to build up resentment that can lead to actual arguments, and you'll eventually have to break up. This is fun for no one.

If you're apprehensive about talking to a caregiver about something that's bothering you, remember what's a stake: the health of your kids and your mental wellbeing. Still, we understand that you find it extremely difficult to talk to your babysitter about an issue. If so, try Sittercity's tips and suggestions for making it easier on you both.

STRATEGY: SOFTEN THE BLOW

• Point out something great that she's done recently, and use that to move into the conversation. Try, "I have to tell you that you're doing an awesome job with XYZ. The one thing I would suggest, however, is to..."
• Use your kids as the entrance into the conversation. "Tommy said the other day that he didn't really like it when you swung him by the arms, so you might want to watch out for that..."
• Use another babysitter from the past. "I remember our old babysitter Betsy used to carry Tommy over her shoulder and he didn't like it much, so I just wanted to remind you so that you don't have to spend the rest of the afternoon calming a terrified toddler."

TALKING TACTICS

• Stay calm and encouraging. Remember - you selected this sitter for a reason, and it wasn't just because she was there and you were late for happy hour. It's because she's pretty great. So don't get worked up or resort to criticizing. It never gets you anywhere with your spouse, and it won't get you anywhere with the sitter.
• Stick to key points of what you are going to say. While there may indeed be 325 reasons why your sitter shouldn't swing Tommy by his arms, you don't need to run through all of them. Pick a key point or two to keep the conversation focused.
• Make sure each point is short and sweet. Don't delve into small details or else you and your babysitter may end up merrily going round and round on something completely trivial. Who has time for that?
• Keep the overall discussion relatively short. Anything too long will not only lose the babysitter's interest, it will also make her less open to sitting down for these discussions in the future.
• Make sure that the babysitter knows that you are not assigning blame. You're on the same side, and you're simply working together ensure she has the appropriate information and tools to best do her job.

• Don't delve into the babysitter's past, philosophies or personal lifestyle. You're not here to criticize, change her beliefs or pass judgment. Bringing up these topics will only dilute what you're hoping to accomplish.

FOLLOW-UP MEETINGS

When you're done talking with your babysitter, it's a good idea to email her a list of what you talked about so she can refer back to that if she has any questions. Also suggest a follow-up meeting to talk about how things are improving.

Having meetings in general is always healthy. "I have a meeting every month with my babysitter," says Boston mom, Laurie S. "At first she thought I was nuts, but now we love them! She brings cookies. She even got me on the last one by getting a raise out of it. And it's nice for me too since I get to talk to an adult once in a while."

Frequent meetings before or after a job for five minutes will help it be easier for you to bring up future issues, and it will also allow the babysitter to let you know if she's having any problems on her end. With everything out in the open, your child care relationship will be strong enough to stand the test of time, for better or for worse, 'til college do you part.