Put on Your Pads and Helmet - It's Time to Tackle Mothers' Guilt

Pass to you, Mom. Time to tackle mother's guilt.

Your mother-in-law may have disapproved, your coworkers probably cheered you on and whoever runs your bank account was most likely ecstatic, but whatever the case may be, you had your reasons for returning back to work after your baby was born. No one ever said it was going to be easy.

In fact, you were probably bombarded with more tales of failure than of success. So, now you sit at your desk with a smile artificially plastered across your face. You would never let on to anyone (least of all your mother-in-law) how guilty you feel when you're away from your baby. It's time to stop feeling guilty and start adjusting your outlook and tactics to create an emotional and mental balance between work and home. Here's how.

Let Yourself Enjoy Working

You may feel the guilt ten times more if you actually enjoy being at work. It's understandable, but try looking at the situation from an optimistic perspective - you chose to return to your career because it was fulfilling to you, personally, financially or otherwise. When you are happy and fulfilled, it carries over into your attitude and personality, which won't go unnoticed… especially by your children. With a parent who enjoys her job, your child will grow up well-adjusted and will most likely be inspired to carry on the same sense of fulfillment within herself and her future family.

Don't Obsess

You can sit in your office running through a mental checklist of everything that could be going wrong while you're not with your baby, but that's not getting you any closer to achieving the goals you set when you returned to your career after maternity leave. Chances are, the baby has a full belly, clean diaper and is resting peacefully. While you're her mother and no one can replace you, there's not a lot of art to changing a diaper or burping a baby. Take a deep breath... she's fine.

Get a Support System

Surround yourself with a support system to reaffirm your decision. If you have friends who have been down the same road, call them when you're feeling down. If you have a sister who's always telling you how you could have done something better, now's not the time to dial her number. Ideally, you and your husband made the decision for you to return to work together. Let him know you're feeling guilty and he can remind you why you're sitting at your computer instead of at the kitchen table. He's probably feeling some guilt, too. Sit down and vent to one another and have a late night with some ice cream. It'll do you good.

Lean on the Caregiver

In times like these, don't underestimate the ability of your nanny or babysitter to help you feel more at ease. You interviewed several qualified cargivers until you found the perfect one. You spent time with her and the baby together. She's wonderful and the baby loves her. When she reads the baby stories, she does all the funny voices. She even knows how to rock her just the way she likes to be put to sleep. Keep this sitter happy! She will be one of your best resources in times of need, keeping you informed, in the picture ("Let's draw a picture for Mommy of what we did today!") and at ease.

Use Your Pediatrician

Don't forget you've got another extremely reliable resource at your disposal - your pediatrician. She's a doctor and she has a logical explanation for everything. She'll assure you that your baby's loss of appetite or ear infection has nothing to do with your abilities as a mother or your return to work. Don't hesitate to call her. Even if you can't reach her right away, you'll be able to reach one of her nurses who are usually just as handy.

Update Your Mentality

Motherhood today isn't the same as it was for your mother. During most of our childhoods, a working mom was a sign of financial instability rather than personal determination. Somewhere along the way, you will receive a look or word of disapproval. Take a moment to remember that you're not just doing what's best for you; you're doing what's best for your baby and family.

Expect it to be Tough At First

The first day back to work will be hard. The first week will be hard. So will the next week and probably the next month. Try to maintain a regular schedule, get plenty of rest and take a break for yourself as often as possible. Maintaining any sense of regularity will make the transition easier on you and the baby.

Once you get the balance of work and baby down to near-perfection, you can begin working on the rest of your life - the friends you haven't seen in forever, the hobbies you haven't had time to touch. That's hobbies, h-o-b-b-i-e-s. You probably forgot what those were, but it will all start to come back to you soon enough. We're rooting for you. Hang in there.