Sitter Stealing and Nanny Nabbing

Lock down your sitter without locking her up.

Keep your friends close and your babysitter closer. Maybe that's not quite how the old saying goes, but it's good advice if you want to avoid becoming the victim of sitter stealing or nanny nabbing. In mom-speak, sitter stealing is not when your babysitter steals from your home; rather, it's when a so-called friend swipes a great caregiver from under your nose.

Should a carefully guarded caregiver get pilfered, the results can be ugly ‑- friendships lost, feuds started, kids scarred-for-life. Here's how to keep your beloved sitter safe and sound.

The Stolen-Sitter Scenario

The local playground is a breeding ground for sitter stealing. Typical thieves are mothers who offer babysitters higher rates or benefits to sit for their family instead of the sitter's current one. But beware - sitter stealers can just as easily be close friends. "My best friend from high school once stole a dream babysitter away from me," says Pam Baxter, a Sittercity user. "I didn't speak to her for two years. We're friends again now, but no one - and I mean no one - gets the contact information of my personal babysitters."

Why Parents Steal

In a word: need. Before the babysitter search went online, parents often had to pound the pavement looking for good help, posting signs, paying expensive agencies and writing classified ads to look for caregivers. It's not too surprising that parents would then poach a friend's sitter in a time of need. Parents trust caregivers who've been vetted by other families. Who wouldn't want reliable care without having to endure a tedious screening process? If you're tempted to "borrow" another family's sitter, know that screening today is easier than ever. Click here to read about the simple four-step screening process that you can do yourself.

Guard Your Treasure

Treat your sitter's contact info like an ATM password - simply don't give it out! If a friend asks for your babysitter's contact information, don't feel obligated to share. After all, sitters aren't dresses. Politely inform your friend that your babysitter is busy with your family, and, if you can, pass on names of some of your babysitting backups instead.

Know when to be flexible

Of course, what we're talking about is an ongoing, regular sitter-family relationship. If a friend calls in a dire, one-time-only emergency, it's okay to lend a hand - but be clear from the start that your sitter has a regular relationship with your family and this should be only a one-time thing.

...And Know When to Stand Your Ground

If you find yourself feeling bad for a new sitterless parent in the area, resist the urge to share your sitter to help out in the short term. It's unlikely a parent will stop using a good sitter of her own free will. Make it a habit to send moms in need to sites like Sittercity.com or to other outlets you trust.

Learn the Trouble Spots

Know that sitter stealing often occurs in public areas, like parks, community gatherings and at large parties, where there are lots of nannies watching kids, and lots of moms watching them. While you're not going to lock your sitter indoors, keep your ears open for potentially poach-happy parks - then find subtle ways to keep your sitter far, far away.

Keep Your Sitter Smiling

It's not necessarily always about the money. A sitter may be unhappy with aspects of her employment with you. Not that you should be bribing her regularly, but if your sitter is doing a wonderful job, there are lots of ways to reward her. Extras, like bonuses, raises, gifts and just simple praise, can make your sitter less likely to accept another offer. Treat her with respect, earn her trust, and make it a point to check in and ask if she's happy with your family.

Damage Control

Were you the victim of a recent sitter theft? Don't sit back and sulk! It's completely within your rights to confront the petty thief. You can also contact the sitter and ask her to return to your family, but expect to shell out some cash or like-minded perks. Or take this sound advice from Sittercity mom Laura B: "I confronted a parent who stole a sitter from me by email and cc'ed my former sitter on everything. The mom was completely embarrassed because she had given my sitter false information about me - and I had my sitter back within the week."

Stop it before it starts

If you see or hear of a friend chatting up your sitter and asking alarming questions (about her compensation, responsibilities, etc.), nip it in the bud with a half-joking "hands off, she's mine!" In the end, a good friend will understand your need to hold onto a good sitter and appreciate any other contacts you can muster up.