Driving Home the Babysitter… Drunk?
A babysitting-related warning appeared in Dear Abby last week and it is too important not to re-post. It’s a familiar situation: parents pick up a babysitter, go out to a party, arrive home after several drinks and then drive the babysitter home.
DEAR ABBY: Please print this as a warning to other teenagers.
A couple from church asked me to baby-sit their three kids from 7:30 until 11 p.m. last weekend. My problems began when they didn’t pick me up until 9.
When they didn’t return at the time they had promised, I began to worry. When they finally showed up at 1 a.m., they dropped a measly $6 in my hand. Then the husband drove me home. He reeked of booze and swerved all over the road. It was the most terrifying ride of my life. I was shaking all over by the time we arrived.
The next day my dad called the police and told them the man had driven me home drunk. They said that if he had called the previous night, they’d have gone over and taken a Breathalyzer test, but they could do nothing after the fact.
My mom then called the woman, who swore her husband hadn’t been drunk. When Mom asked her for my going rate ($3 an hour, plus double time after midnight, which would have been $15 or $19.50, if you count the time I was booked for), the woman hung up on her.
Some important lessons I learned that night:
1. Agree on the wage beforehand.
2. If the driver appears drunk (or stoned), call your parent, a friend or a taxi even if it costs you your wages to get home. NEVER get into a car with someone you think is impaired just to be polite.
3. Don’t automatically trust someone because you go to the same church. Always get references and baby-sit only for people you know well.
– Wiser Now in Canada
Parents, if you know that you’ll be going to a party or event where you plan on drinking, be sure to discuss transportation arrangements with your babysitter beforehand. If she doesn’t have her own car, this may give her time to borrow her parents’ vehicle or make arrangements with a friend to pick her up.
Sitters, if you’re at ALL uncomfortable getting in the car with a parent who has been drinking, listen to Wiser Now in Canada and make your own arrangements to get home. Remember that certain forms of public transportation are not safe late at night, so even though it may be the most affordable option, it might not be the best. There’s nothing more important than your safety and if that means the cab ride home eats up most of what you just earned, so be it.
Anyone care to share their firsthand experiences with this situation?
Related:
When Parents are Late
Paying for Transportation
Babysitter Rate Calculator
October 6th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I was always told to never get in the car with parents who had been drinking. Let someone know ahead of time where you will be and that you may need a ride home. If you do have to call them, say “I’m ready to be picked up now.” This way it sounds like you have already planned on getting a ride home and won’t let the parents know you think they’ve been drinking too much.
October 6th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I have been in a similar situation years ago when I was still in high school. I had been babysitting for an upper class family for quite some time. They did always show up on time or would call if the were late but one night they did come home with alcohol on their breath. They both swore they had only 2 beers each but I still didn’t feel right. I then and even know believe you should not drive even with one drink in your system. I called my dad and waited an hour for him to come get me. The next time I babysat for the family the parents both apologized and agreed that they should have not been driving. I earned even more respect for them, and they even gave me a huge tip that night! They never came home intoxicated again.
Always use your best judgment and don’t worry that you might hurt the parents feelings when your safely is involved.
Make sure you have a back up plan if you do not drive.
Always let someone know where you are and when you should be home. That way someone will know if you are missing or could be hurt.
Stay safe!
October 6th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I had a similar situation minus the drunk part. I was picked up late and did not arrive home till way past the time said. I was supposed to sitting from 6pm till 10 pm.. The lady did not pick me up till 7pm and did not arrive home untill 2 am. she did not call one time to say she was going to be late. My parents were worried when I called at midnight and said the lady was not home and had not called. Need less to say I did not sit for her again even when she asked a week later. She also only paid me 10 dollars. what a rip off.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Been there and done that. Once I was old enough to drive, I refused to even leave kids with parents who were drunk, especially if their child was awake or medically fragile. I had 3 carseats of varying sizes installed in my car (yes, even in high school), and parents knew my policy before they left. If they came home drunk, I took the kids home with me and charged them $100 for the privilege and they had to pick them up from my home the next morning when they were sober. My mom and step fater, in high school, were quite supportive and even purchased a port-a-crib and a cot to put in my bedroom for those nights when kids came home with me…
Before I drove myself, my mom always said it didn’t matter where or when, but that she would rather be woken up at 2am to drive me home, than to have me in a car with a drunk driver. At this point in my life, I made it clear to parents (I had a few who were notorious for this behavior) every time I sat, that if they came home drunk, that they would have to allow me to call my mother to pick me up and they would owe her $10 for the privilege.
Amazingly enough, I never lost a gig because of either situation. I think parents were appreciative that I had already thought of the potentially dangerous situation and gladly paid the extra to not have to worry about getting me home or caring for their children in the night if they were drunk.
This is an excellent blog post. Thanks for bringing it to light. A lot of younger, inexperienced sitters are not familiar with some of the dangers of sitting…Though there aren’t many!
October 7th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I have had a few experiences with a family I sit for. The mom has even drove me home drunk with the kids in the car! At that time I didn’t realize what dangers could come from drunk driving, but I am very glad that I saw this, and the family is very good about letting me stay overnight in a guest bedroom (with a very nice bathroom and fully prepared shower!) and if the kids need something in the middle of the night she pays me triple my normal pay/hour for every time I wake up! It has actually turned out to be a nice deal!
I have also had an experience recently where I didn’t want to offend the drunk man offering to drive me home so my mom and I thught of a “pickup phrase.” This just meant if I called her and said my pickup phrase (ex. did the Colts win, have any of my friends called, etc.) she would know to come get me and the parent woulnd’t be offended, because they would think it was just a conversation with my mom.
October 11th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
As a teenager, I was lucky that everyone I babysat for was within walking distance r my parents would pick me up at the designated time. Now, as an adult, I ride my bicycle over to babysit… When the parents don’t call/come home really late, I have my own safe transportation. Sometimes the parents even have me take one of their cars home with me if they have been drinking and think it’s too late for me to bike home. I lock the keys in the car and they pick it up in the morning with their spare key
I think it’s a great system. And it works great! We should all be trying to do our best for the environment, so, if you CAN bike to a families house, DO IT! It doesn’t cost that much for your own safety gear (helmet, light, reflective jacket, ect) and it’s a healthier choice.
October 12th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I’ve told my kids when in doubt (drinking) with a family or a friend, tell them you don’t feel well and might vomit. Nobody wants someone in the car if they don’t feel good. We had a catch phrase “Mom, I don’t feel good”. I knew then it wasn’t good. No questions asked, I just drove and brought them home safely.
October 26th, 2008 at 12:20 am
If I am asked to sit for Parents who are planning on being in a situation where they will be drinking, I have a no fail plan that keeps the children and myself safe. I simply quote the parents my overnight rate. Most of my parents love this as it gives them the opportunity to stay out as late as they like without having to worry about me being worried or having to call and “ask” if I can stay later.
I have the parents drop the children off at my home, then pick them up the next day by a specified time. If they are late they pay a specified rate per hour in overtime. This usually dissuades habitually being late for pick up as this is usually $20 per hour or part of an hour!
The children benefit from this because they get to have a Pajama Party at my house, so it’s like they are getting a treat instead of “missing their parents”. I have several kid size sleeping bags that we put out in the living room in front of the TV. We make popcorn or snacks and watch a movie (yeah for the big screen TV!), play games, do crafts, read stories, and a lot of other fun things. I have a port a crib for “weebee’s” that I put in an adjacent room for “quiet space”.
In the morning we have a “breakfast party” so they are fed before the parents pick them up , usually by 10 am. I prepare this in advance so I can just pull it out and don’t have to cook anything. I cut up Fresh Fruit,
and make crepes or small pancakes. In the morning I set up the table with the fruit, crepes, jam, peanut butter, chex mix (I make this with the kids the night before sometimes- lots of fun & easy to do), and some juice and milk. I use “party” plates, cups and napkins for the “mood effect” and it’s always a hit! The kids are so creative, some make faces and others “build” things, but all of them eat and have fun. The older kids(5+) really love to fill my icing bags with peanut butter, jams, or other “squeezables” and make designs with them (think cake decoration) on the crepes.
The kids rave to their parents about how much fun we had and I send them home happy. Parents tell me how much they appreciate the “overnights without the kids” as well. They have also said in some cases that they drank too much, or got in an argument, and were glad the children did not see them in that state.
This has a viral effect also as parents talk about their sitters among themselves. I have a calendar now in order to keep track of when I am available.I will only do one overnight per week, but will make an exception occasionally. This has become very popular in my circle of parents.
I also have a great time, I may be 45 but I’m still a big kid at heart!
By the way Parents, I came up with this idea with my own children (now grown) for overnight friends and birthday parties. The “breakfast party”
becomes a “make your own pizza” or “make your own ice cream sundae” party when it won’t involve overnights (both is way to much work and cleanup-take my word for it!). Its just fail proof fun, and works with any age group with a little tweaking!
Miss Khaki