Unintentionally Hilarious Child Sayings
We found a pretty cute blog the other day, one that features the unintentionally hilarious things kids say. As parents and babysitters, we’ve heard our fair share of funny tidbits, but some of these statements are so priceless, we had to share a few of our favorites!
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Mom: Allie, are you pooped yet?
Allie: What does that mean?
Mom: It means you’re tired.
Allie: Oh. No. I’m not pooped.
[Long pause.]
Allie: I’m peed.
Mom: Huh?!
Allie: Pooped means I’m tired, peed means I’m awake. I’m peed.
Allie, 3.5
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Lance: Uncle Joe, I like your lady friend.
Uncle Joe: Thank you, do you want to marry her?
Lance: I can’t marry her. I can’t even make my own chocolate milk.
Lance, 4
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Mom, is it okay to lie to yourself?
Daphne, 6
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You’d better tell me, or I’ll do the Macarena!
Logan, 9
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I know, I know, I’m reminding you of Bazooka Salt.
Daphne, 5
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Mommy, I am so mad at you that I am going to be mad at you TOMORROW!!!!
Lexie, 4
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I wish there were no such thing as words. Then we could move our bodies and hit people when we need to work things out.
Hazel, 4
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Yes, let’s eat girl cheese sandwiches… except not Brandon, he’ll have to eat a boy cheese.
Jannel, 4
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What’s the funniest thing your child or babysitting charge has said recently?
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:19 am
Melissa (Mom): Eat all of your lunch or you dont get dessert and snacks.
Kaylin: Ok, Im done now, can I have sert and snackies.
Melissa (Mom): Ok what do you want?
Kaylin: Pickles and Ice cream.
Melissa (Mom): Pickles and Ice cream what are you pregnant?
Kaylin: Yup
Kaylin 2.5 years old
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Playing dress up one day.
Ms. B was helping with little Jane with her hair when Johnny walked up.
Johnny: Ms. B, Jane sure is beautiful.
Ms. B: yes Johnny she is.
Johnny: No Ms. B, she is really beautiful!
Ms. B: She truly is Johnnie
Johnny replies ‘yeah she don’t have nipples on her face like you do. (Moles)
I laughed for days over this one.
Johnny, 4 years old
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
that is so adorable! thanks for sharing, it gave me a good lift!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:21 am
[while i’m using her jumprope to show her how to cross her arms]
“you’re pretty good for an au pair”
Anna, 8 yrs
are au pairs known for being athletically challenged?
June 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Gianna: Mommy says Daddy can’t have titties, he’s allergic to them.
(Age 4. Referring to Kitties. She had always had trouble with the hard C sound)
June 24th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I was an au pair and lots of them( au paisa) are coming from Europe where almost all the girls were involved in gymnastic, sports..etc:)
June 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
At school one day we were having a pajama party, and a set of twins came in wearing batman and superman pj sets. Upon seeing this, Colin stops working on his coloring sheet and stares at them. After a few seconds, he shouts out, “Hey guys… LOOKIN’ GOOD!!!!!” across the room.
(Colin, Age 5)
June 25th, 2008 at 1:20 am
I gave my 6 yr old nephew a call the other day:
ME: “So tyler, wat’d u learn in school today?
TY: “Well, we learned about counting, and clouds”
ME: Clouds?
TY: Yea, u kno, like the ones in the sky…duh
it had me crackin up the whole night and the next day….
June 25th, 2008 at 8:29 am
A 4 year old girl came late to church one morning and preceded to say “Sorry I’m late. Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t get out of the shower.” Sometimes they share too much!
June 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Yesterday was my nephew Alex’s 5th birthday. We took him out to lunch with the 3 and 4 year old boys that i nanny. The 4 yr old expected Alex to have grown 6 feet over night because he was five now. All day long he called him “big guy.” After alex held the door open for him he says “thanks big guy!” he kept at it all day!
June 25th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I was babysitting a 4 year old and a 2 year old one night and the 4 year old was really hung up on drinking water out of a water bottle he had been carrying around all night. Anywho, it was time for bed and I was getting them ready and the 4 year old says he can’t sleep unless he can have his bottle of water, I did not think this was a good idea because he had just gone to the bathroom, I had my bottle of water and I said, “we’ll compromise” I proceeded to pour about a sip of my water into his water bottle, about that time, the 2 year old who had been quiet until now sat straight up and said ” I want to compromise!” It was so cute, she didn’t’ even know what was going on, but whatever her brother was getting she needed it too.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I was babysitting a 2yr old who was potty training but still had to wear a diaper to bed. I had given her her bath and laid her on the floor to get her diaper on and ready for bed. She looked up at me and said “Mande, I love you!” to which I said, “Well I love you too!” She smiled and looked and me and said “I love me too!”
June 25th, 2008 at 11:40 am
i live in illinois, but my job used to be in missouri. after keeping my girls overnight (ages 3 and 5) i was on my way to take them home. stopped in traffic, i thought i could make it into a good learning lesson.
Me: See the bride we’re on?
Girls: Mmm-hmm
Me: Well, we came from that side of the bridge, and that’s we’re all the illinois people live, like me. And on this side of the bride, that’s where missouri people live like you and mommy.
Girls: how do you know which bridge?
Me: You know it’s the right bridge cause it’s right next to the arch. See the arch? It’s the curved building right there.
Girls: Mmm-hmm
[long pause]
Oldest girl: But Jenny, why did the silly Illnois people paint the rainbow? It would look much cuter it it were blue.
Youngest girl: Yeah! Paint it pink!
Oldest: Blue
Youngest: Pink
this went on for a few minutes, but i couldn’t stop them, i was laughing too hard!
June 25th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I asked the 4 year old I was babysitting why it was never sunny outside anymore, he replied with an obvious tone saying “because the Sun has to take a break!”
June 26th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I used to baby-sit for a family with a little boy and 2 little girls. One day we were just having snack and I’m busy with the girls and suddenly:
Noah (age 2): Thuy, you cute.
Me: *caught by surprise* What did you say?
Noah: You cute. (Then he gave me a bashful smile and looked up from under his lashes)
I turn to his mom and say, “Courtney, your son is a flirt.” She smiles and replies, “I know.”
June 27th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Mary - Rourke (age 5) Why do you have all those scars on your face?
(refering to my freckles)
June 28th, 2008 at 8:49 am
My three year old put on his shoes all by himself. I looked at his feet and said “Carsen you did a great job putting on your shoes but. they are on the wrong feet.” He looked up at me very puzzled and said “Mom, I don’t have other feet”.
June 28th, 2008 at 8:56 am
I was shopping with my two year old and he wanted to walk beside the cart. As you can imagine this wasn’t working out well. So I told him he need to stay with me or I would have to put him back in the cart. Needless to say back in the cart he went. He started screeming. “Help! Help! somebody get me out of here. Help! Help! get me out of this cart. Help! Help! Thank goodness I frequented this store and the clerks new this was my son.
June 29th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
my seven year old sister has a tendency to confuse freckles with moles and moles with mullets…
one day she looks in the mirror and sees all her freckles… then boldly exclaims,
“aj, i’m a mullet-covered fool!” it was absolutely great…
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
My coworkers nephew lives with her and his mom in the same house since my coworker often sits for him.
One time she was getting out of the shower, when she heard “I like you like that”.
To her surprise she turns around to see her 2.5 year old nephew peeking in at the door!
I laughed for days.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
My aunt was about to get into the shower, when her 2 yo daughter walked up behind her as she bent over(naked) to turn the water on….
“MOMMY- MOMMY, tongue ‘tickin out!!”
(the child saw the labia and thought she was sticking her tongue out)
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Kathy, age 2.5, just couldnt wait to get in the Church to go to the bathroom…
So when she walked in, she announced proudly to the congregation; “I beed(peed) in the Lord(yard) of the Church!”
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I’m a nursing mom to a 4 month old and I bring him to nanny with me every day. The 5 year old asked me why the baby eats from my belly button… that’s what it looked like as I nurse discreetly in around him and his 3 yr. old brother. It made me wonder why God didn’t have us nurse through our belly buttons, it would be easier than hunching over trying to get your boob in the baby’s mouth. lol
July 8th, 2008 at 9:00 am
The 3 year old I nannied for started to get upset when a storm rolled in and it started raining:
Me: Julia, don’t worry, rain is good! Trees and flowers need rain to grow!
Julia: It rains on people too ya know!
July 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
The 13 year old that I Nanny for knew that I was going to be going to a 4th of July party and asked me, “Are you going to have a layover tomorrow?”
July 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
my mother and father talked about staying through the weekend while camping and I overheard as a child, my response?…
“We can NOT stay any longer, my stuffed animals didn’t know I’d be gone this long!!”
July 8th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
When we asked my little sister what she wanted to be when she grows up. She replied, “I want to be a gymnasium (gymnist). Too funny!!!
July 8th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I was babsitting and the little four year-old girl was just being silly and trying(with veryy little sucess) to rhyme…she used the word cravings and her seven year-old brother said…..”You don’t even know what those are”…..”Yes, I do,” she said, “It’s what mommies eat when they are pregnant.”
July 8th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Story One: One of the little girls I babysit (4) insists on telling me when I go to her house that the things the the windows “Airditioners” (Air Conditioners) and that they arent scary. I told her I had them too because it was hot out in the summer and she replied “It’s too damn hot outside” (long pause) “I know that a bad word but daddy sayed it”
Two: one of the little boys I babysit when he was 2 1/2 he was non verbal and used sign language to communicate. One night after I saw him sign the word for ice cream, I tried my very best to ask him if he wanted in a dish, in sign language of course. He looked at me as if her were very confused then signed the word fish and went “ffsssshhhhhh” we both started laughing and then I corrected him. it was adorable!
July 8th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
The little 3 year old boy I babysit for had just gotten back from Mexico. He asked his mom if they could go back and she said that it was too soon. So when I came over he told me that Mexico was closed because it was being cleaned and they were going back in 5 minutes.
July 8th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
My mom was in the bathroom at Nordstroms with my then-four year old little sister Alexis. As my mom pulled up her underwear, Alexis exclaimed, “Mommy, your panties are broken!” (she was wearing a thong…)
July 8th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
The 3 yr old I sometimes babysit for has a fulltime nanny. He recently asked her if she had God’s cellphone number because he would like to talk to him & if he would letter him use her cellphone to call God,he would put it on speaker so she could talk to him also.
July 8th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I was babysitting a 3 year old little boy and trying to get him to eat his lunch. this is how it went…
Me: you have to eat so you can be big and strong!
Him: are you saying i’m not strong?
July 8th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I have 2 different stories, one for my son age 4 & one for my dagheter aged 6.
MY son was laying in bed ith his dad and I changed the channel for them, the following conversation followed.
Me: Is that the right channel
husband: Yes the is th right one
son: NO mommy that is not the right channel
me: yes it is daddy said that is the channel he wants
Son well then put it on the LEFT channel mom.
My daughter who is 6 when ever she sees me changing she tells me mommy I see your bras (meaning my breasts).
July 9th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
My mother is a child immunizations nurse at my hometown health department and sees dozens of small children everday, who of course often cry because of needles and shots. One afternoon I was visiting my mom in her office when a mother and her young son came in for a shot.
Boy: (crying) “No!! Please , don’t make me get a shot, it’s going to hurt!!”
My mom: “It’s going to be okay! You have to get one of these so you can grow up to be as big as your daddy”
Boy: his eyes get big, he crinkles his face all up then, all of a sudden he smacks himself in the forhead and exclaims, “Oh no! My daddy is short!”
It was the funniest thing I had ever heard from a little kid!
July 10th, 2008 at 11:15 am
(I work in a child care center full time. This was during potty time. My most “Challenging student has a hard time keeping it in the potty)
Ava: “Everytime you go to the potty I have to come in behind you and mop the floor. Why can’t you just put all you pee pee in the potty like all the other little boys in class?”
student: Lady (he calls everyone lady) do you know how hard it is to guide one of theese things!
July 10th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Same littlle challenging child ( We were at the mall on a field trip to see Santa. He didnt want to see Santa so he and I went for a walk. I stepped in a store with him and looked around. An older (senior citizen) walked up to us and says “You are so sweet. I love the way you are standing here listening to your teacher. All the other children over there with these red shirts on are running around and not listening. You must be the sweetest child in the entire school”. He then says to her”Why thank you lady that is some mighty ugly lipstick you got on”
July 10th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
On a spelling and vocabulary test in my third grade class, one little girl passed vocab, but failed spelling. She put her vocabulary word, “endure” in the following sentence: “I endure when I got a sh*t.” (She meant shot, but I guess sh*t makes sense too…)
July 16th, 2008 at 9:25 am
the boy (6) and girl (4) i watch were playing duck, duck, goose. (the girl is learning how to rhyme)
girl: f**k, f**k, moose!
*silence*
me: woah. wait a sec. what was that?
girl: what? doesn’t that rhyme?
boy: SHE SAID THE ‘F’ WORD!
girl: nuh uh!
boy: yuh huh!
girl: no i didn’t!! Daddy says it all the time so it’s ok to say!
me: how about we not say that anymore. it’s more of a big kid word, ok?
girl: ok..can i say it when i’m 9? i’ll be big then..
me: no. you have to wait til you’re much older.
girl: how old?! like twenty-hundred-thousand-billion?
boy: is that even a number?
this went on for quite a while, both arguing about numbers and if it was a bad word or not. overall, just the way they were saying it, was just hilarious.
July 16th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I was with my 4 year old the other day and she said…
HER: How old are you?
ME: I’m almost 22 can you count to twenty two with me
HER: yeah I can….(counts/takes a breath) Wow….you are almost 100!!!!
July 17th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I was babysitting for my sister the other day. Set of three year old twins (Emma and Paige) and their 4 year old sister Brooke.
Im on the couch talking to Booke whren Emma comes running up to us.
Emma: Aunt Amy!
Brooke: Im talking Emma!
Me: Wheres your pants?
Emma: someone pooped in my pants!
Me(laughing so sarcastically): Now who could have pooped in your pants?
Emma: Maybe,…. Paige…
Me: No lying now Emma remember we talked about this already
Emma: Well it wasnt me ! Someone else did it!
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I am a lifeguard at a pool and overheard this conversation between 2 approximately 8 year old boys
Boy 1: Hey, if you do a bellyflop, I will tell you who LIKES you!
Boy 2: Is it a girl other than my mom?
August 5th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
“I can’t believe I ate three pieces of pizza, my belly is CROWDEDD!”
August 8th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
my 5 year old charge michael
The wooden park!! I LOVE WOOD!!
oh and he’s convinced plastic cant break
October 1st, 2008 at 10:37 am
the almost 3 year old (he isn’t 2, he’s almost 3) i was watching was walking around the kitchen holding his ‘boy parts’, so his dad asked him,
dad- “Do you have to go to the potty?”
child - “Nope”
dad - “Then why are you holding yourself?”
child - “I like the way it feels!”