When Parents Are Late
In last week’s blog when we talked about sitters showing up to a job five minutes late, we promised another blog about the flip side of the coin: when parents are the late ones, not coming home when promised.
Before we get into this debate, the first thing to remember is that the parent is the employer and the sitter is the employee. Now, that is by NO means an excuse for a parent to take advantage of the work relationship, but it is still something to keep in mind.
With that understanding, many sitters will not mind if a parent is, say, half an hour later than planned. Some might not even mind if a parent is an hour late. But, you can’t assume that YOUR sitter falls into either of those categories.
The key to a good parent-sitter relationship is communication, so make sure to communicate these things before you leave for the evening:
- Where you’ll be (a strictly scheduled appointment? An open-ended social event?)
- Whether or not there is the possibility that you will run late
- What time you plan on arriving home
- The absolute latest you’ll arrive
- What time you plan on calling the sitter to tell her a more definitive time frame
A few quick question to ask your sitter include:
- Do you have any place you need to be after the job? At what time?
- Are you comfortable with the fact that we might not know when we’ll be home?
When you’re booking your sitter for the job, go through these items — don’t wait until she arrives at your house to run through the details.
And when you do run late, always remember to compensate your sitter for her time. If you planned on paying your sitter for a 4-hour job, but somehow got caught up for 5 hours, you owe her for 5 hours. That’s non-negotiable.
Several parents also pay overtime rates, especially if they had promised to be home by a certain time (”There’s NO WAY we’ll be later than 10pm…”). If you set the expectation of a strict schedule and then break it, overtime is an appreciative way to thank your sitter for being flexible.
So, if you communicate with your sitter, call her once you know your time frame and compensate her for her time, you’ll build a stronger parent-sitter relationship and foster loyalty at the same time. In the long run, it’s better for both of you.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:16 am
All of those things are wonderful. I wanted to chime in on a couple of things…
For Parents: If you are later than expected, then the kids will worry about where you are and often get very anxious and weepy. If the kids are asleep and it’s late, then as a sitter, I will worry about you. Please call if you are going to be more than 1/2 hour late, because we are concerned about your safety, too. Sitters greatly appreciate a “tip” when they show flexibility and graciousness when you are late. My parents (who are rarely late) usually add one hour’s pay to what I actually worked to show their appreciation.
For Sitters: When scheduling jobs, always leave a 1 1/2 hour window between. This does two things. First, it allows you down time, which is very beneficial to your mental well-being. Second, if the first parent is late, then you are not nearly as panicked over what time you need to be at the next place. I always leave 1 1/2 hours plus travel time between jobs and am never late for anything and usually have time for a nice cup of coffee and some good playtime with my son! I also try and communicate what time I need to LEAVE their house to make it to my next appointment.
May 28th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I agree with what Tiffany said. In addition to her comments I find it frustrating that some parents are less than forthcoming about their return time. As sitters, we are not being nosy, nor do we want to know what you have planned for the evening. We do however want to know what time you are coming home so that we can effectively manage our time and any other job duties. A telephone call when you are going to be later than normal is always appreciated and shows you care about the well being of your children.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Another thing: the more specific parent can be about what time you will arrive home, the better shape your house will be when you get there. If I know you’ll be home at 4, I can get “clean up time” started at 3:45 so your living room will be tidy when you walk in the door.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
In general, I make sure that I do not have anything I need to rush to after a time I am scheduled to sit for. With the super crazy DC area traffic and the fact that often meetings go for longer than expected I just plan on being able to be flexible if needed (which is always very much appreciated by parents)
That being said, if I do need to get to something after sitting I let the parents know ahead of time, even if I should have plenty of time to get there, so that they will be home on time.
Also, if they are running late all of my parents I sit for always let me know via phone call or text message that they are running late. This is much appreciated on my end because otherwise I would start to worry if something happened.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I agree that you should be flexible. If it is an evening job than i leave it open to whatever time for any of my families. But if it is a normal work day I do expect them to be on time and I do charge them if they are late. THey would not appreciate it if i showed up to work five to ten minutes late everyday. It should be a mutual respect. I understand there are emergencies and I am more than happy to work with those.
May 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Although we as sitters are to be flexible, it is still nice to have an idea of what time you should be getting home. I can recall when I first started sitting and this was my first time with the kids, I had to be there at 3pm on Saturday with the parents getting home about 11pm. That was good as it gave my mom an idea when I would be getting in, as well as providing a set of requirements, like getting the kids fed and put to bed before they got home. At 9:30pm, I got a call saying it would now be about 1am. That time came and went and finally they got home about 3:30a.m. I am one of those few that cannot sleep when I am sitting - and they seemed to be angry that I was awake and now they would have to take me home - I was just 16. Needless to say, I never sat for them again as they never called me back.
May 29th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I believe that a parent-sitter relationship must be professional, and be similar to a business relationship. One may say regarding overtime that if a sitter is late, she doesn’t get paid, and if the parents are late, she does. However, in the business world, an employee may arrive five minutes late one day, but the next day if she stays overtime, she’s paid time and a half. This is because an employee can make up five minutes lost work, but a half hour or several hours of an employee’s time is not easy to make up, especially if she had plans after her job. I think that mutual respect for the parent’s and sitter’s time is the best, in which case occasional lateness is treated graciously and is compensated in one form or another. I believe this respect opens the door for a secure friendship between parents and sitters.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I wanted to comment something else on when parents arrive late. Most parents think they when babysitters sit into the late night that’s it’s no big deal if they say they’ll be home at 1am and finally arrive at 3. Yes, it’s true the kids are in bed… but I too, am one of thoses sitters that cannot sleep when I’m watching the kids. Even if the kids are fine, I don’t alseep because I feel bad for getting paid to sleep. I’ll clean or something. So even though the kids may be in bed, I’m tired and getting frustrated.
Otherwise, if you just let me know you’re late, I feel more respected and appreciated.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Most of the people I sit for I have a close relationship with, as I have worked for them for years. However I have been with these families because they respect me and we have open communication. They call when they are running late, “Hey sarah do you mind if we stay out an extra hour or so?” I can respond with sure no problem, thanks for calling so I did not stare at the clock for the next hour wondering when you would arrive! And if you say you will be home at ten I may have plans at 11, in that case I let the parent know ahead of time, so they will not be late. I used to sit for a family who would ask me to come over oh say from 11 to 3. I would say yes, then the morning of, the father would call and ask if I could come an hour to even 2 hours earlier. Then I would get there and he would change the time completly that I originally agreed to sitting for say ending at 3 to a few hours later. Where if he originally said can you come over from 9 to 7 I probally would have said no or yes depending on my schedule that day. After about the 5th time this happened, I quit sitting for this family. It was sad because I loved their children, however I could not take it anymore.
May 30th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
The problem I have had is that my job was a full-time nanny job for 3 kids. The hours were set, and so was the pay. It was a flat rate. The problem I ran into was the parents repeatedly being a half hour to 2 hours late, with no call or explanation. I felt like my kindness was being taken advantage of. Also wondered why these people never want to come home and raise there own children. Finaly I spoke up and demanded overtime pay, for every minute late since I didn’t get paid hourly as it was. This worked, suddenly they were never more than 20 minutes late, and I got paid for my time! for this reason, I will never agree to a flat rate ever again, hourly only. Sorry folks they ruined it for ya.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:46 am
I am a parent of two small boys and I feel badly that so many sitters are treated in this way. I am a mom and a business owner so I relate to both ends but I cannot imagine taking advantage of a sitter. If I say I need them from 7:00 pm to 11:00 pm then that is it! My husband and I always keep an eye on our watches and make sure we are home at the agreed time, no exceptions. Sitters are not here for parents to take advantage of and if one wants a good relationship you need to take them into your family and RESPECT them as if they were part of your family.
June 1st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
This is fabulous advice! I wish every parent would pay overtime if they were late and did not call. But I’m very flexible. Just like Jennifer’s suggestion, I usually give at least an hour between sitting and other appointments if I must, or just try to leave the day generally open afterward.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:39 am
How about when parents consistently arrive early? Should sitter be paid for hours not working? Most sitters want to be paid tax-free so parents don’t have benefit of claiming childcare expense when working. Are babysitters supposed to be treated as “real” hourly workers? If so, I would lean toward not paying them when they are sent home early. My experience with sittercity sitters is that they want easy money with none of the expectations one would have in the real workforce.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I treat my sitters like I would like to be treated. I call as soon as I know I might be late (because of work) and my sitter knows that there is always a chance of this happening. If I am coming home from work early I almost always call in advance as well. If I am late, I pay time and a half. If I am early, I pay 1/2 pay for the remaining hours that were expected to be worked. HAPPY SITTER=HAPPY CHILDREN=HAPPY MOM!
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:25 am
I agree parents should also be on time when they say they will be home.. however, I also think that it depends on where the parent is going. If it is a party or a gathering that has a specific end time, then parents should be home on time. Sometimes, though, if the parent is at a doctor’s appointment or something similar where sometimes things can run late out of their control, the sitter should also keep in mind when applying for the job that it’s one of those circumstances where the parent may unintentionally run late due to the nature of the appointment..etc.
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
As a professional nanny/sitter I am so turned off by parents who run late when they are at social functions. It’s one thing if they discuss it with me before they leave the house but it is quite another issue when they show up over an hour late with no phone call. Not only is it now interferring with other aspects of my life but I am also worrying that something dreadful may have happened to them! You hire a sitter in the first place because you find them to be worthy of your trust and the right candidate to care for your children. How is someone worthy of your trust but not of your repsect?
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:03 pm
* respect
June 4th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
i used to babysit for a family that only payed $5 an hour for their 4 year old son. the pay would have been fine if the child wasn’t so bratty. he never listened, it was his way or the high way. he ran around swearing and he even hit me once! i would try and give him a time out but he would run out and follow me. i tried to ignore it not wanting to give in but he soon threw fits and threw things. when i confrunted the parents, they laughed and acted as if it was the cutest thing in the world. they never did anything about his swearing or behavior either. they constantly asked to bring him to my house so my house was now a mess and they were always hours late and they didn’t pay for over time. i cleaned up everytime, cooked him dinner, and i had to go through diaper changing in the begining. plus, the kid never went to sleep while i was on the job and it usually ended close to midnight! i got so sick of it, i quit.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I try to put myself in the sitter’s shoes, when determining how to handle any situation. We try to set defined start and stop times with a set rate specified up front. I try not to be late and if I’m running late, I will call. I also depend on the sitter to let me know if they are crunched for time at the end, so that I can be sensitive to that. I try to get home a little before the end so I can get a report of time spent. If I get home early, I may release the sitter early, but I would still pay for the set time. Of course, if I’m late the sitter would be compensated for ALL the time worked. Similarly, the sitter is paid from the time she arrives, regardless of when we actually leave. Again, because we are paying for coverage for a set time. Of course, it never hurts to discuss all of this up-front when setting the appointment in the first place.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:30 am
ehendrick asked if sitters should be paid if they are sent home early. This has happened to me a couple of times. My answer is YES. If I’ve cleared my schedule for you for a certain amount of hours then that most likely means that I have also turned down other parents who were seeking my services that day.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:12 am
A few weeks ago I was sitting for a family whose mother said that she would be home at 1230 am. When 2am rolled around I had not heard anything from her, I was starting to get worried, so I tried to call her twice. No answer. 3 am comes around and I call again with no answer, so called 911 to see if there had been any emergency and then the highway patrol to see if she had been in an accident. Nothing. So finally at 415 am she strolls in with a story about breaking down, the police coming, open containers of alcohol in her car, getting her lisence taken away, blah blah blah. She told me that she hadnt called because she thought I would be sleeping…despite the several missed calls that she had from me after 2 am. Then on top of not calling and being FOUR hours late, she tried to pay me her overnight fee of $35!!!! Is this legitimate??
June 11th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I currently sit 3 days a week and often times my employer is 15- 30 min late and I DO NOT get compensated in any way! It is a habit of theirs and they just expect me to stay and they don’t say a word about it. I guess I am too soft to say anything. Please keep in mind that I am NEVER late for them in the morning! I am always on time if not a bit early! How do I handle this situation? I am paid a flat rate/week for my time but deducted an hourly rate if I am out that day for any reason (which is rare). Thanks for your help.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I would like some advice on the job that I started about a month ago. I would like to preface this by saying that I am being paid well over the average hourly rate for my area. However, my hours are 12-8pm daily and at least 4 out of the 5 days of the week, the mother is at least half an hour to an hour late. In addition, she hired me to take care of her 2 girls and also help her “organize” her home after an addition. It turns out that this woman expects me to do all of her cleaning as well as go through the entire house to try to make sense of the piles of stuff that are everywhere. She has even gone so far as to put the younger child in vacation care all day so that the 13 year old and I can clean the house and do tasks that she set out. I feel that the job description was misleading and everyday she expects me to do more for her while she refuses to lift a finger in her own house. I would like to quit, but am having a hard time because the money is so good. Am I being unreasonable or should she be allowed to take advantage of me because she pays so well?
June 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
In response to anonymous above; just like in the “real” world of work, if you are really unhappy you should quit. If you are an unskilled worker you may want to consider, though, how much money you could make in a real job and determine if where you are as a personal assistant to a working mom is such a bad deal.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I am a tutor/sitter. In my tutoring sessions the first thing I do is set the rules. I try and be as flexible as possible as I am still in college. As I am meeting the parents, I explain to them what I do and that I go to school and how evolved I am in school. I always tell me”if you are flexible with me I will be flexible with you” I wait ten minutes and they wait ten minutes after the according hour and if we are pass the time other they cancel the session and I dont get paid or I move on to another child and they still get charged. I am very strict and if I know I will be late I call 30 minuted before always and the same thing to them always call 30 minuted before…so if I have to do something else other I can re-schedule or they can look for someone else. I always try to be open to any suggestions they have as well as they need to be open to my, because I am spending a vast majority of time with their children. Overall a suggestion set the rules on the first meeting before any uncalled for happens.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:48 am
upon meeting a parent the first time I usually let them know that I recognize parents need time to themselves. I encourage them to take all the time they need. There are times when I know ahead of time that I will be going from one job to the next, in which case I inform them and they arrive in time for me to make it to the next place. My date book keeps me straight as to who is planned and I also let the families know that I will refer to it before I make any plans with them.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I am flexible when I can be but as a teaching artist and sitting I occasionally will say to someone that I need to leave their house by 6pm to make an appointment, it is in those situations i become extremely stressed if the parents are walking in at 6:08pm I am now not leaving until 6:15pm and late for my appointment. After a few of those stressful drives and running into appointments late what I’ve began doing is giving them an earlier must leave by time so account for this to give myself and them a 15 minute window. When I agree to a job I must leave by a certain time I always tell the family up front and tell them if they cannot commit to being home by that time for certain, then they must find another sitter.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I completely agree with Jenny. I babysat for a woman that woked nights and I just didn’t feel comfortable going to sleep even though the kids were in bed. In the 3 months I worked for she never came home on time . We had agreed on 3 am and the earliest she ever came home was 5, and never called or answered when I tried to call her. I would not have a problem with being flexible and staying late just as long as I have proper notification, but not when I am being disrespected and taken advantage of. One morning she actually showed up at 9 am when she knew I needed to leave by 7, and I was told she’d be home at 3. I feel bad for her next babysitter!
June 11th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
It always helps to speak up when you are being taken advantage of! One mom would get home 30 min late and not even say thanks or anything, then cut me a check as if she wasn’t late. It made me so mad and i was fuming on the way home. However, I finally said something and from then on she paid me for my time.
Another job was a friday night…first time sitting for a family, they said they’d be home by 11….nope! At 1:30 I finally called (something I have NEVER done) and told them I needed to get back to catch the shuttle service at school. The lady e-mailed me the next day asking me to sit the next week and I didn’t even respond. RESPECT is the main issue. I think parents think just because we’re not working a real job that its ok to take advantage of us.
I do have to say though, I have 3 awesome families I sit for, and I could not ask for better people to deal with! Remember, always speak up, in the end it’s worth it!!
June 12th, 2008 at 4:15 am
In response to:: ehedrick777
First off, you are you to say we as sitters are not in the “real” world of the working class? Making babies is the easy part - raising them and caring for them - is the HARD work and takes MANY skills.
That is what I have to say on your latest comment. On the comment you posted about how sitters want to be paid in cash - it goes with the territory. This is a CASH business - for the most part. Again, you have the right to go over your requirements and no one is stopping you from requesting to put your NANNY or FULL-TIME childcare giver on the books but be prepared to pay the standard rates of a childcare facility if not MORE because you are requesting FULL-TIME attention to your child/children.
As the saying goes - “It takes a village” and being a sitter is a greatly needed service. Especially if you want someone loving, caring and honest.
Respect is needed to go both ways and communication is a must. I’m very forthcoming with my families that I will work with them but I expect the same in return. That being said::
Sitters::
1] Always communicate up front about what duties you will and will not do. i.e - light housekeeping like:: cleaning or organizing the children’s playroom/bedroom, doing child’s laundry, meal prep - ect.
2] Set up reasonable boundaries of arrival times and when you need to leave.
3] Advise parents on your expectaions of their arrival times to be home and how you wish to be paid if they are to go over the expected time of arrival in advance.
4] Explain in advance about payment and payment types/schedule.
[I had a family that I worked for where I wanted to be paid each week on the last day I worked for that week - I worked with them because that made it hard for the husband to get to the bank - we decided on a different pay schedule but I was flexible with that - however, I didn’t have to be. As a babysitter I could have requested to be paid EVERY day I worked at the end of each day.]
5] Advise parents of what activities you have planned to make sure there are no conflicts about items or crafts or games being played in the house.
After those 5 things have been discussed in advance before you take the job - you won’t need to worry or question the “what-ifs” - and furthermore you will know in advance if you are a good match with the family.
June 21st, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I arrive early to every job so that I can prepare myself, activities and get a report of what is happening with the kids today. I feel that caring parents also want a report at the end and should expect to include that in the time they need. I expect good parents to be home a couple minutes early so I can tell them how our time was spent, meals, diapers and transition the kids. If parents are running late they cannot expect that this is OK with my schedule and need to be prepared for that. I am very reliable for all of my parents and I expect parents to be respectful, reliable and caring, also. When you book a sitter you need to plan on the absolute most amount of time you will need and what you expect you will need. Just let me know there is a possibility that you might need more time than what you expect. AND, if you are one of those people who just never seem to get anywhere on time, you know that already! Just let me in on your secrect so I can be prepared, too. (My husband is one of those people and I love him very much! I can work around it if I know.
) If you arrive “on time” then I may be “out of time” and may have to run out the door. (At least that’s what I think you should expect.) If you have a great sitter, expect her to booked before and after your time. If you want to keep her, be reliable. (I am very flexible and am almost always able to accomodate my parents tardiness, they just shouldn’t EXPECT it.)
July 8th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Wow. I was a half-hour late home once and I made sure to call and explain that there was a traffic situation and let her know exactly where we were and approximate time we would be home and paid for the extra time (I rounded up to the next $20 so it wasn’t quite overtime pay but it wasn’t regular either).
I cannot imagine not keeping in communication with the person who is watching your children.
It’s difficult enough to find a sitter - why would you mess it up once you have someone? It’s not like Starbuck’s where there’s one on every corner and everything is the same with every one.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
For evening jobs, I expect that parents may not know when they’ll be back because they’re proabbly out to dinner or something without an exact end time, but it’s nice to have an idea when they’ll be back. Sometimes parents will say, “I won’t be out late” - but that means absolutely before 10 for some and more like 11:30 or 12 for others. Also, if the parents say they won’t be out late, it’s good to know if they expect the kid(s) in bed or if they’ll be home soon enough to do that themselves. A rough estimate is nice, like, “I’ll be home between 10 and 11.” In that case, call if it’ll be later than 11:15. I don’t usually have plans after an evening job, but I do have a boyfriend, and many sitters have parents, boyfriends, husbands, or rommates that are expecting them back, and my boyfriend often asks when I’ll be back.
For day jobs, a closer estimate is nice in case I have another job or something afterwards. I work at a preschool on weekdays but often do baby-sit on weekeends. The family for whom I most often baby-sit on weekends typically needs me until 2, but she’ll sometimes ask when I get there if I can stay til 3 or so.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I disagree with Tiffany’s comment about leaving a 1.5 hour window between jobs. If I get off in time and have two jobs that are half an hour apart, then that gives me time to go home and get settled just in time to leave. When I have two jobs back to back or a job after work, I much prefer very little gap in between. If someone asks me to sit on a weekday evening, I tell them to expect me right after work and give them a fifteen minute window or so in case there’s traffic or I can’t get out in time. Right now, I usually get off at 5, but I’m often at work until 5:15, so i’ll tell parents to expect me around 5:30 but possibly as late as 5:45.
When I was in college, I got out of class at 12 one year and so was home by 12:30. One family asked me to baby-sit at 2 regularly. I would have preferred to have arrived around 1 because then I wouldn’t have had time to sit down and relax. Oftentimes, I just wanted to stay and go to sleep or read, but my day could’ve ended sooner if I’d gotten to their house sooner.