Nannies and Sitters, Are You Ever Lonely?
Okay, that title totally sounds like an opening to a creeping online dating ad, but it’s obviously NOT. Anyway, we were surfing around the blogosphere this afternoon and came across a post by a nanny who found herself lonely while caring for her young charge. She was wondering where all the other nannies were.
…I love the baby that I spend my days with. He is just over a year and LOVES to be outside and around other kids. Unfortunately, he can’t have a conversation with me so I end up spending most of my day singing songs to him and not talking to another person. I attend playgroups at the library and frequent free concerts, parks, and playgrounds. I have run into quite a few stay at home moms in this community, but have yet to meet any other nannies. Stay at home, married, mortgage-paying moms are cool and all, but I am 22 and don’t have much in common with them…
We’re sure several of you would immediately remind this nanny that her priority needs to be the children, not her social life, but, keeping that in mind, how common is this sentiment of loneliness?
One (obvious) solution is to arrange a playdate with another nanny/child, and several nannies from the above posting even responded with their email addresses so they could arrange one such meet-up. This quickly prompted parents to jump in and say how freaked out they were by the fact that nannies would meet up (with children in tow!) with people they’d never spoken with before.
(Remember, if you would like to spend time with other nannies/children or go on any type of outing, it’s absolutely crucial that you speak with the parents about this first.)
So, sitters and nannies, have you ever felt lonely on the job? If so, do you ask the parents if you can arrange a playdate, do you try to frequent parks where you know other nannies are or have you found another way to manage?
August 20th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I set up playdates with my friends that are nannies
August 20th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I can never find any other nannies in my area! I would love to find someone to go on playdates with, and I’m sure my family wouldn’t mind. But, I totally agree with the lady in the column… every time I got out it’s older stay-at-home moms. Which is great, they’re fun too. but it’d be so awesome to actually talk about nannying with someone who would really understand!
August 20th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
I generally make contacts at library story time, playgrounds, and kindermusik. I always watch to see how my charges play and how well they get along. We exchange phone numbers and have playdates at playgrounds first before we have at home playdates.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Hello! I can relate to some extent. I love what I do and I thrive on it, but sometimes it can be a little lonely, particularly if you’ve just received bad news or are going through a difficult time, as it would be completely inappropriate to talk with children or the people you work for about it. My answer is to focus on the children and give them 100% while you’re on the job (and it does sound like you’re a wonderful, active nanny), and then fill up your social life outside of work. Make dinner plans with friends in the evening or do something fun and very social on the weekends to give yourself something to look forward to.
Anyway, best of luck!
Katrina
August 21st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I work in NYC and it’s easy to meet nannies! I rarely meet moms or dads.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:20 pm
I agree with loving and reliable. It is hard to be a nanny, but it is your job. If you want adult conversation, do as I did call a friend while kid is napping… I wasn’t lonely but liked having some adult conversation.. FOcus on the kids, that’s what you are paid for.. I need a nanny job and can’t find one yet, and I bust my butt… Any sugestions? 12 years experience… Heather in PA
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:58 am
I think it depends on how many hours are spent nannying. For me, as a sitter, I don’t get lonely because I hardly ever do more than 12 hours at a time. I can imagine the situation gets worse the more hours the person nannies. A full-time live-in nanny would possibly face the same problems as the actual parent in wanting time away from the kids to just breathe!
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:04 am
kidfriendlyl1, please hang in there!!!!! I work for a nanny service (7 years) that has suddenly become very slow. It may be a dying breed because of sites such as this and others. I still have several families through my agency that call and request me on a regular basis, but if it wasn’t for me logging onto this site and a couple of others night and day, I too would have felt the same and still do on occasion and here’s what is happening on these sites. (1) you respond with a wonderful profile/application to a potential family and they respond back with a “lot of interest”. (2) You speak on the phone or e-mail back and forth several times and finally set up a date to go out and meet them. (3) The day you are supposed to drive to their home to meet, you are thorough, and call them to confirm meeting. (4) They respond with, “Susan, I am so sorry this position has been filled, but we will keep you in mind.” (5) Exactly a week later, you notice the same family requesting a sitter for the same situation, hours, days, etc. You say to yourself “huh?” Then you have to decide do I want to try again with a family that went with someone else and it just did not work out for them? Not me. I hung in there last week after weeks of applying to this, that and everything else. I was scheduled to drive 1 hour for an interview with a potential family where the mom had already mentioned she had someone and they were starting the position next Tuesday. My gut told me once again, “do not keep doing this”. It is a ridiculous cat and mouse game with sitters and potential families. While I was on the phone giving her a 3 hour notice that I decided not to pursue her position in hopes of finding something closer to home, a mom actually beeped in, leaving me a message, expressing great interest in me, and after speaking with me for an hour on the phone, thought I fit the bill perfectly. I went yesterday, believe it will be long term for both of us, and am tickled pink I have finally found the 2-3 full days per week I have been searching for. Another family I was lucky to find through this site had arranged 2 sitters before ever using me and neither one of them showed up for their date nights. Some of us are willing to work and be a terrific asset to a family and eventually the right family/families will notice that. Best of luck to you!
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 am
I was able to join a library group with my charge when she was just under a year old! That group met weekly for 2.5 years! Granted there wasnt another nanny but where I am from I guess its not that common to have nannys or want them socializing! I was very fortunate! I was able to form great bonds with the fellow parents and kids! Always make the opportunity avaliable for the parents to meet the “playmates and their parents”! Things wont be so akward when trying to set up future playdates! Enjoy, it will truly make you work experience at little better!
In response to all the negativity:
You are all forgetting that crucial thing called peer interaction…. not only is it beneficial to the care taker to have some adult talk time but the kids need to have the opportunity to be around other kids( the true downfall to stay-at-home care) and I am a true believer that this should start from an early age! It truly is wonderful to watch friendships form between 12 month olds! Not only do these nannies look forward to it but the kids look forward to it too! It breaks up the daily routine which therefore allows the nannies to do a better job of focusing their attention on the kids! And come on you cant tell me that these nannies are not watching even closer at playdates than at home, Give us credit! Just because a few people have ruined the name of nanny doesnt mean we are all terrible absent minded people!
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:40 am
I understand the perfectly the feeling, but then i remind myself that my charge is who i have to give all my attention while caring for him , falls and accidents can happen in a fraction of a second to little boys as is my case and i would not like to regret the fact that i was bussy socialising when something happend.
I would make the contacts in the park or playground ,but meet peers your age outside of the job.
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I can somewhat understand the feeling, espescially for someone who is a live-in nanny. I’m probably going to look for some other nannies to do play dates with, because the family I’m with now really wants me to get their little one out of the house and with other kiddos, and they’re ok with it. It’s definitely crucial to talk to the parents about it, but if they are then I think it could be fantastic for the children as well to set up play dates with other nannies and their charges. Of course, the children have to be your focus, so if you don’t think you would be able to give your charge(s) the attention necessary if you’re with another nanny, then don’t put yourself in that situation, but if you’re able to hang out with the stay-at-home mom’s with no problem, I would think that it would be the same difference with another nanny, only probably more enjoyable for you, as you would have more in common with the other person.
August 24th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
KidFriendly,
Hello! I can relate. I looked at your profile, and I’d consider adjusting your bio to make it a bit more friendly, including reiterating your love of working with children and what you do that makes you stand out. I’d take out the part about having child abuse clearances, as you want your profile to leave parents feeling positive, not associating you with something negative. Also, your pay rate is a bit high for a lot of families to meet. It’s not unreasonable considering your experience level, but a lot of families simply can’t afford it. I know that I regularly lose out on jobs to people who have less experience and charge significantly less. Perhaps adjusting your rate a bit lower, or changing it to $13-$14/hour, would go over better. Also, I’ve noticed that a lot of parents gravitate towards profiles with photos, because it makes them feel like they know the sitter and they feel safer having a picture in mind. I don’t have one on mine because I’m not comfortable posting one online, but if you are, it could very well help a lot. Anyway, I hope this helps, and best wishes on your search!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I can’t say that I am ever lonely…I have 3 little ones. A 3 yr old and 1yr old twins so I look forward to the rare occassion when the three of them nap. They all will nap, but usually at least one of them is up with me so there isn’t much time to be lonely. On nice days I try to get to the park, but you can imagine how difficult it is.
You need to understand that this is your job and that this child is your first priority,
however, if you aren’t happy than at some point you will be looking elsewhere. This is a definate drawback to being a nanny. In most other occupations, there are other people around you so you don’t feel so isolated. Ask the parents how they feel about you possibly finding playgroups to bring the little one to. They can also help you in finding something to their liking. Not only would this help you to feel less isolated and lonely, it would be wonderful for the baby.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I do not believe in the photo thing to sell yourself to a potential family. I have viewed many “photos” on some of these websites and I was shocked that some of them look like Myspace photos complete with low-cut shirts/dresses and all. I always try to impress a family first with my communication skills either through replying with an e-mail or over the phone (as it should be) although it is a shot in the dark to actually get a potential families phone number. When and if you do, you have definitely hit the jackpot because not hearing back from e-mails you send them is my main complaint. After a phone conversation that usually goes well, if they are interested beyond that, I mention that I am available at their convenience to drive out to meet them. I would like them to view the whole nanny package with first my appearance after showing up, the way that I carry myself and am able to nail an interview. Just because a picture is posted does not mean that the person will be able to conduct themselves well when they open their mouth. It just seems so silly. It is really like saying that a family would have a certain look in mind, either by race, I am white and not being racist, weight, cleanliness, etc. This sort of also falls under “would you hire a great looking nanny?” or whatever that topic was. Every mom I have spoke with over the phone to interview thus far has actually said, “you sound great and so sweet and we can’t wait to meet you.” I consider myself a decent looking 45 year old, but before they see me in person, that is what I like to hear! Just my 2 cents.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I think that posting a photo does help some. I know for myself, as a sitter, I feel more comfortable about meeting the family if I’ve seen a picture and know that they “look” like a wonderful sweet family. It’s more of a physcological thing for me, because I know that just because someone looks nice doesn’t mean they necessarily are, but it does make me less nervous.
August 28th, 2008 at 3:30 am
It’s the same with regular jobs, you dress up, think everything went well, and then never hear from them. Most of my jobs are with people on vacation and I’m older, I really like babysitting. But then I don’t want the stress of my last long term full time job, getting high blood pressure and what have you. At 22, shouldn’t you be looking into going back to school, or a career that you would really like. You have you’re whole life ahead of you and you’re only young once. To me nanny has the connotation of an English Servent. A babysitter is performing a service. Did you think of going in to elementary school teaching? Just a thought.
September 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Annie, I understand what you’re saying, but, as a 21-year-old, in school studying as one would to become a preschool-5th grade teacher, I still may decide to be a nanny as my career. I love working with children, I don’t particularly love most classroom/school settings, and I love working with families and forming close bonds with them. A nanny is more than a servant, and I see it as being just as honorable and important as being a teacher.
September 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I definitely do not like being termed as a “servant.” A nanny/babysitter is much more than that, especially if you are a nanny. Nannies are basically part of the family, and shouldn’t be viewed as servants. It is just as important as any other career.
September 16th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
YOu need to realize you are at a job how distrubing, if you are lonely or bored you need to find household work to do………
November 19th, 2008 at 1:58 am
To all those who are essentially saying “you should only focus on the child, not your personal life”, does that hold true for parents too? Do you look down on stay at home moms who go to baby groups, or set up “play dates” with their friends who have babies? I was visiting NYC and went to a park where it was ONLY nannys and their charges. Nannys watched their kids, but they also got to talk to adults. Here in Denver, I have never experienced anything like that. Like many other nannys, if I take a charge somewhere, I meet moms, who usually assume I am a mom too. I don’t think there is anything wrong with socilizing with other caregivers, whether they are nannys or parents, and watching the children at the same time. 2 sets of eyes and hands and ears can even be better than one. Of course, everything with parents permission.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
What can you do if the parent doesn’t want you to take the child out? We don’t live in walking distance from any playgrounds or other areas to interact with other children or adults.