Thought We Were Joking About Sitter Stealing?
Guess again. In yesterday/today’s Dear Abby (different papers have it appearing on different days), a distressed mother writes in about how her good friend stole her sitter — and she wants Abby to tell her how to handle it.
Dear Abby: My friend stole my baby sitter! It began when “Mimi” asked for the name of our sitter. She didn’t have one and said she would be confident using ours. She explained that it would be only to “occasionally” relieve her parents, who usually looked after the kids. Unlike Mimi, we have no family in town.
Now, every time we are invited to attend something, I call our sitter and she has already been booked by my “friend.” Mimi even books the girl when she invites US out!
Our husbands work together, and we share many of the same friends. I considered Mimi a good friend, but now I feel used. How should I handle this? Mimi acts as if there is no problem.
FEELS LIKE A FOOL, Gainesville, Fla.
Abby’s response, in a nutshell, was to tell the mom to move on and find another sitter.
Parents, the key to keeping your sitter — in addition to NOT sharing her contact information — is to keep your sitter happy enough with your family that she doesn’t even want to go anywhere else. Here are a few quick tips for how to do that:
- Include your sitter in meal plans.
- Don’t be late; respect her time.
- Pay overtime (and call to let her know) if you do run late.
- Offer perks like transportation reimbursement.
- Pay well. (Check out our Rate Calculator.)
- Acknowledge your sitter’s birthday, graduation or other big events.
- Give your sitter an annual raise.
- Keep the lines of communication open — ask your sitter how things are going and if she’s running into any obstacles on the job.
Sitters, what else would keep you from being “stolen” by another family?
August 11th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
General respect and motivation. Remember that sitters don’t work only for the money, but for me, also the love and passion for kids. Say “thank you” and motivate me when i impress you.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I’m not really sure what would keep me from being “stolen” as a sitter but I have a possible suggestion to the parents involved in the situation described above. The women explained that her and her friend’s husbands work together and they have a lot of the same friends. I’m not sure how many children they have, the ages of the children, how well they get along or what the sitter feels comfortable with but something my parents did while my brother and I were growing up was sometimes they would turn their night out into a fun night for everyone. They’d pick one house, all the kids would go there and so would the sitter or sitters depending on the number of kids and the sitter’s comfort level. The parents could have their fun night out and the kids got to have a giant slumber party. Sometimes we would just fall asleep there and get picked when our parents were on their way home, other times we’d get picked up the next morning. I’m sure all the parents split the cost of the sitter but I’m not quite sure if they split it evenly or if they took into account the numbers and ages of the children each of them had. They also always had the number of kids the sitter was expected to watch determined ahead of time and if the sitter felt uncomfortable they would let her invite a responsible friend to help out. A lot of times that wasn’t needed though because the older children could help the sitter out enough. Anyway I know we (the kids) always had a blast.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I have my two familes that I generally sit for, and those are the priorities. If they call and need me to watch their kids, they go first on the calendar. And, if they are in a pinch and need emergency care, I try and figure something out before I drop the “nope, sorry.”
I think that maybe that mom should just find a new sitter and NEVER let her go.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I’ve babysat for the same family for over two and a half years now, they treat me incredibly well, and they have my loyalty.
It would also be a good idea to talk to the sitter and arrange dates with as much advance notice as possible. As a college student, I know my schedule gets crazy busy, but I’m always willing to tweak it for certain families.
Or you can always ask if she would be comfortable watching both your children and your friend’s children…just make sure to pay her well for it! I used to have a monthly gig where I would go to a family’s home where the adults would have “game night” and I would watch 3-5 kids and all of the parents would all chip in. It worked out really well for everyone: the kids got to play with each other, the parents had to pay less for a sitter than they would otherwise and I made more money. That’s what I call a win-win-win. :]
August 12th, 2008 at 12:40 am
I have 4 main families I babysit for. I do a ‘first come first serve’ method and they are aware of it. I also have a few friends, who I use as MY backup babysitters incase for some reason I can’t make it. Fourtunatly for me, my friends arn’t too kid crazy like me, so I know they wont steal my families(lol). Also, if the families are meeting up with eachother for a night out, I just watch ALL the kids @ one location. Just this past Saturday I had a 1 month old, 9 month old and a 17 month old. I had fun!!
August 12th, 2008 at 10:59 am
I work with 5 different families (all single mom’s) and they are a bit understanding of eachother. It’s first come first serve, but if somebody else wants me, I run it by the person who has me booked first, and if they are comfortable with sharing, I do it and the parents both pay a little less (while I still make a little more), the kids are all of similar ages and enjoy eachothers company and everyone wins. It’d a scratch your back, scratch mine situation because then when the other parents need to share, the hosting parent will usually go along with it if that parent was understanding towards them in the past.
Not to say it always works like that. Sometimes I am in a situation where I no sharing isn’t ideal, but it works most of the time.
Some of my best jobs have come from referrals, but there are times where it doesn’t work out. If you have a problem with that parent or if you do something, chances are both parents are going to hear about it (as they talk). I worked for one woman who was UNBEARABLE, but stifled myself because her friend was an important client.
August 12th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
I really believe parents should consider the annual raise. I know it was mentioned above however I would like to stress it. I have 2 families that I have been babysitting for since i was 14 I am now 21 and have one year left in college and the family is still paying me the same rate as when I was 14. Times have changed and clearly my spending and bills have as well. I believe that is one of my biggest peves.
Also - having a comfortable relationship with the sitter, allowing them to feel an important part of your families life; being inviting etc.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Most of my clients I get either through the preschool where I work, the church where I work, or through word of mouth. Many parents find good sitters by asking their friends. However, if I get asked to baby-sit for two families whose kids are friends, I typically offer to take on both sets of kids - it’s a playdate for the kids, typically more money for me, and often an easier job because the kids all play together, but many parents are uncomfortable with that idea, especially at bedtime.
I think that parents should be able to share their sitter’s contact information - it’s possible that that sitter wasn’t always busy but didn’t want more work or didn’t want to work for that family anymore. I often want some new clients and would love when I get a referral from a family - it means the family likes me. I do like the ideas here about how to keep a sitter. I have many criteria in mind for what makes good clients and may take one job over another because of these:
* pay
* food
* children’s behavior
* parents’ behavior and attitude
* proximity to my home and/or work
* how well I know the family/how comfortable I am around the children/ how comfortable they are around me
* how well I get along with the family members - let’s face it - I’m going to get along better with some people and want to be with them more than others
* access to tv and computer
* how clean the house (not too clean or messy)
* how late I expect the parents to stay out - some nights, I may want to get home earlier; others, I’d rather be out later and get paid more for sitting around not doing much
etc…
I do like the idea of an annual raise - I’ve had families give me raises but only one who has done so in less than a year (primarily due to gas prices), and i’m considering quitting my job at the church in part to sit for them more. As for paying competitively, the rate calculator says that I should make $14-$16 per hour, but I generally make $10-$12, so that isn’t so useful.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:14 am
I think an annual raise is a good idea, and I also think parents should consider the number of children they have when they decide what the pay will be. Most of them just think $10 an hour is the going rate right now, and it is if you only have one kid. If you have 2 or more, it goes up to at least $12 an hour, and can be all the way up to $20 or more! So think about that when you’re hiring a babysitter, parents, because if you have more than one child and only want to pay $10 an hour, I probably wouldn’t work for you on a long term basis. If you love your sitter, give her a good reason to stick around!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 pm
integrity, on both the sitter and the one who offers is now exposed. the reality is
no integrity, soooo what is really lost or stolen, the truth will set you free.