Top 5 Things Parents Want To Tell the Babysitter
According to Strollerderby, there are five important things that parents would like to tell their babysitters and nannies, but are often to “conflict-avoidant” to actually do so. Without much ado, here’s the list that they came up with.
5. Don’t make me the bad guy. Please don’t tell the kids, “Mommy doesn’t want more than one kid on the trampoline at a time because she’s afraid you might hurt yourselves,” or, “Mommy doesn’t want your brother to have raisins because she’s afraid he might choke.” Enforce my rules as if they’re universal laws recognized by every adult on the planet.
4. Leave your gadgets in the car. I know it’s important for kids to play independently and to play with each other, but that doesn’t mean you can talk, text or surf the web the moment my kids stop requiring your immediate attention. There’s always stuff to do: straighten the playroom, throw those lunch plates in the dishwasher, etc.
3. Don’t believe my kids. When my five-year-old tells you that yes, Mommy lets her eat an entire sleeve of oreos half an hour before dinner, or yes, she’s allowed to watch four back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of Hannah Montana, stop and think: how likely is that?
2. Never say to my kids, “This will be our little secret.”
1. DON’T GIVE IN TO TEMPER TANTRUMS! Even if you ignore every other rule, please, never, never, ever, give my kids what they want just to calm them down from the heights of hysteria. If my two-year-old throws herself on the floor screaming because her twin brother has the yellow sippy cup with the blue lid and she desperately wants that one instead of the yellow sippy cup with the purple lid you innocuously handed to her, just walk away. DO NOT SWAP SIPPY CUPS. If so, you will guarantee my daughter will grow up to be Leona Helmsley.
Do you agree? Is there anything you’d add?
July 31st, 2008 at 9:44 am
I agree with all of those, especially about the temper tantrums. Children should never be catered to when they’re having a tantrum. I’ve found that if I don’t pay any attention to them at all, they calm down soon, and then we can talk about their behavior.
Thanks for the tips!
July 31st, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I believe that the best way to be a good care giver is just be honest and communicate alot
July 31st, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Just set a good example:
1) Don’t talk to strangers - please don’t flirt with the weird guy at the park that you have never met before while my kids are supposed to be playing with you…
2) Eat Healty Meals - Don’t eat ice cream for dinner - if it is ok for you….
3) Don’t tell my kids I am too busy at work to pay attention to them ….. I love to hear from my kids. I work in an office. I have a phone with me at all times. Use good judgement - I don’t need to get a call every 5 minutes but if my child is upset about something or excited about something great that happened at school - they should call. If I can’t get the phone, leave a message - they know I will call back. Your job as a sitter is not to replace me when I can not be at home but to help me when I’m not there. I know you call your Mom, boyfriend, friends… when you’re working (that is a hint)- I too can talk to my family from work.
4) Don’t make more work for me. While I generally do not ask my sitters to do heavy housework - I do not expect them to make a mess for me to clean up. Put your dishes in the dishwasher. If you get a bunch of towels full of mud after playing in the sprinkler with the kids - just throw them in the washing machine. I only expect to find the house in the same (or better) condition than it was when I left.
5) Don’t use the TV or computer games as a reward or a way to kill time - my kids are allowed limited amounts of TV and they spend plenty of time online but if the TV or PC are not on, and you ask if they would like to read, play a game, draw… they will always prefer to do something with a real, live person. I prefer it too.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I follow all those rules, but a lot of times, the babysitter, or Nanny, will find that the parents are the ones that don’t follow these rules. They will let the babysitter/Nanny know the rules of the house, but then 5 minutes later, the parents are going against what they just said themselves. So it makes it very hard for the caregiver to set these rules herself. Parents and caregivers should always be on a team.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:31 pm
As a sitter for a few years, I agree. Sitters should never tell the kids they can’t do something because their moms won’t et them. It makes the kids mad at the mom.
Using electronics while babysitting can also be dangerous. You have to be very attentive at all times because you are the one that’s responsible if anything happens.
Yes, kids will lie. I’ve been watching a 3, 6 & 7 year old together and they lie allot, especially if they know they did something bad. Its hard to tell whether some things they say are lies because they’re not our kids, but there are tricks to use to find out. Its always good to reward them for telling the truth.
Its ridiculous to have secrets with the children you sit because first of all, it won’t be a secret for long and second, the parents should know about EVERYTHING so they know what’s going on with their children. Also, teaching children to keep secrets can be dangerous.
About the temper tantrums, I never and never will give in to those. I don’t care if their screaming is unbearable. If you give in, you’ll start a horrible trend and show the child that they are the boss, not you. Give them a warning and if they persist, put them in timeout or whatever punishment the parents give you permission to use.
Here’s a tip from me:
I watch 4 kids during the day and it is hard to keep up with them and clean up at the same time while having to tutor, bathe, read to, feed them and so on. When I do have time, I help the parents clean up (allot), even after them sometimes because I understand how hard it is with so many kids. When I come back the next day, I get upset when they leave the same mess (not the kid’s, theirs) because they know I’ll clean it up =(
July 31st, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Those are great tips and I completely agree with all of them.
August 1st, 2008 at 11:29 am
These are basic things and shouldn’t even have to be stated!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Oh boy, this is great blog! Fun to read like-minded sitters and moms opinions.
I believe, there is a very sensible line between all these rules. I enjoy following most of them, unless they send double message. For example, parents’ rule for sitter is not valid for parents. I feel that then children learn deception. I will obey, but my heart aches each time I see such insincerity. From experience I feel that respect and acceptance are best navigation tools in the ocean of emotions between parents, children and sitters. Then, it’s easier to “swim” around, bring fun and have fun myself.
August 1st, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Yes, Danielle, those are things that should pretty much be common sense but no need to say it that way. I also have to completely agree with Nanny Sarah because I constantly find parents breaking their own rules and right in front of me. “If John hits Sally he gets a timeout” John basically gives little Sally a black eye and mom says “Now john if you do that again you will have a timeout”
If you do that one more time…
Next time you do that…
This child is not learning anything here
August 1st, 2008 at 1:41 pm
The “Mommy lets me do this.” and “But I ALWAYS do this!” is pretty hard to handle sometimes because kids can be pretty persistent about things and sometimes it IS difficult to tell whether they’re making it up or not, especially when you can tell the parents are pretty lenient about things-such as, the tv being on all the time, leaving food laying around in other rooms…that makes me think they probably don’t care what room is designated for eating and how much tv is being watched. But I have had kids tell me it’s ok to eat in other rooms when they’re in a house that’s spic and span, and I’ll just say, “Oh, I’m pretty suuure…that you need to eat that in the kitchen.” and if they keep saying Mom says it’s ok, I just say, “well, I don’t say it’s ok. Eat it in the kitchen just to be safe and so you don’t make a mess!” Or if kids want to watch tv the whole time and I’m not sure whether that’s ok, I’ll ask them about toys they might have or something they would like to do that I would definitely enjoy too. Like I will ask a little girl if she has a doll she wants to show me or if she likes to draw and color. Those things are more exciting than reruns on nickelodeon anyway, right?
Usually, I have a lot of fun with the kids, and I enjoy being with them and hearing everything they have to say.
I also usually don’t let the kids call mom unless it’s an emergency. I figure she’s busy at work. But sometimes they act like it IS an emergency and go ahead and do it anyway. I mean, if I can’t find medicine that’s needed, then it’s ok to call, but if the child can’t find his/her friend’s phone number and needs it from his/her mom, then I think that can wait.
As far as messes go, I clean up messes that the kids and I make while I’m there-usually right after they happen. I clean up after feeding the kids because that’s what moms do-when they can-and I’m the stand-in Mom.
And if there’s additional clutter or messes, I try to clean those if the kids are preoccupied and do not need supervision, napping, or in bed for the night.
Giving in to temper tantrums is DEFINITELY not a good idea, for parents or babysitters. I learned in my psychology class that if you let a child have his/her way while throwing a fit, you are reinforcing that behavior, and the child will think that s/he that having a tantrum is an effective way to get what s/he wants. You can tell that parents often give in because the tantrums last longer. The best thing to do is tell the child firmly from the beginning that this is bad behavior, it will not be tolerated, and you will not let him/her have or do whatever it is the child is trying to get out of it.
If the child becomes louder, tell the child to quiet down and stop making a big deal out of something that isn’t going to happen anyway. And if the child does not quiet down, ignore the child so that s/he does not get any attention from the behavior. If you continue to be nice, the child will be encouraged.
However, for the most part, when I babysit, kids do not have tantrums or get out of control, probably because their parent(s) have taught them to behave and they also usually tell them the behave for the sitter, which is always helpful, too
August 1st, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Kids’ lying can be quite a problem, especially when they know you have no easy way to verify the information. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell. For example, my 5-year-old brother Colin will insist upon things to the point where one really wants to believe him. He gets so upset when someone doesn’t believe him that one is inclined to think he must be telling the truth. Only those who know him very well would realize this is just what he does. I always try to play it safe by saying something like “Ok, you can ask mommy about that when she gets home,” or “I’ll talk to daddy about it and see what he says.” Usually when you “threaten” to double-check with a parent, they come clean about their lie.
I’m also quite familiar with the “If you do that one more time…” line. Regardless, I don’t tolerate it, and if the kids complain about their punishment I simply explain that those are my rules and they are going to abide by them when I am responsible, no matter what they do when I’m not around.
As a big sister I sometimes allow things that my parents might not, but I am a responsible adult who knows when things are simply not permissible. I can’t say I’d do the same in a professional sitting situation though, because that is an implicit contract. I think it’s just bad practice to keep secrets from parents. HOWEVER, offering to keep a secret with kids is often a good way to get them to give up information they wouldn’t tell their parents, and you can always let the parents know of your findings in private.
Overall, I think it’s a pretty good list and those are some important things to keep in mind when you’re caring for someone else’s children.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:58 pm
I think the list is pretty much ok but I also think parents should follow their own rules as well. I’ve been a nanny for many years and let me tell you I’ve seen children act soooooooo differently when parents come home. They whine, have tantrums,, etc and parents usually give in just to keep them quiet. The key for the sitter is to set your limits from day one and be consistant. Children will then learn what is acceptable with you and what is not. I always clean up after myself and the children. I’ve even done laundry for the child and when caring for infants have made formula. I don’t however feel that I need to pickup after parents who leave glasses, cups, etc sitting on tables and counters. Basically, I haven’t had any problems with that because I don’t start what I don’t intend to finish.
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 am
All of the above is correct, the only time you are really able to have alone time, is when you ARE ALONE,which means that the children are asleep!! But off course you have to go in and check on them a couple of times, esp. for newborns.
The whole letting the kids watch t.v I RARELY do that, the only time I will allow them to watch t.v is if I’m doing the dishes. Other than that, we all must watch a movie together, then I’ll ask them in the end why it was so enjoyable, what their favorite parts were, and tell them what were mines. No one should ever let the t.v be the sitter. NO MATTER WHAT, it’s a job as a babysitter to actually do the job of not letting the children sit in front off the t.v.
If the child wants to call the parent(s), I will allow them one important phone call, sometimes it does get out of hand, but that’s if the child is not familiar with the sitter, then it does lead to problems, ONLY IMPORTANT PHONE CALLS SHOULD BE MADE. But if the child has just come home from school, or from a friends house and is excited about something and just can’t wait to tell their mom/dad THEN LET THEM, reasonable time. You can always have a craft prokect [story-book] showing what their day consisted off =D
Lying is what kids do best, ignore their lies and tell them right from wrong, them find a fun activity to get their mind off the mischif ways. lol
Secrets?? Wow, I’ve never heard this one.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 am
I find all of this so ironic. I work for a sitter service and have the opportunity to work around many other sitters at group functions, church nurseries, corporate events, etc. On one hand I find the “Mary Poppins” of the childcare blog admirable, “no tv, craft projects instead, etc” that is not what I see and hear when working with other sitters in a group setting who can’t wait for the movie hour to begin. These are actually sitters who go into homes just as I do on a daily or weekly basis. Why would any child ask or argue regarding a certain amount of TV time if they didn’t get to watch a good bit when the parents are home? It makes no sense. In other words, you all mention having children demanding constant TV time while you all are there, then would that not indicate that it is allowed and they are very used to watching whenever they want when the parents are home? So in keeping with the parents/sitter on the same page thing, why expect me to come in and spend 3/4 of the day doing arts and crafts projects when that is not something that the parents would spend most of their day doing with their own children. I am 45, have been a nanny for many, many years and the families I have always built the best bond with are those where I can come in as a “normal human being” and do things sorta on my terms with their blessings and going along with whatever the children are used to. I see these ads time and time again for moms/dads requesting a sitter that can tutor, keep the child busy the entire day, which is wonderful if you are able to break it up with a movie, maybe a trip in the car somewhere, pool, shopping, lunch, playdates, park, etc. but to expect a caregiver to come in and stay for 8 or 9 hours continuously sitting in the floor playing, again, I am 45, active, play tennis, run, walk dogs, love being outdoors, etc. , is just ridiculous and most sitters would agree and do agree if you got them away from the situation and asked them. We are not children playing with your children, most of us I would hope, are responsible adults asked to care for your children while you are away and all that entails. I sit for so many families and we just “let things go with the flow”, no itinerary, no craft projects planned. I come into their home and try to keep things as normal and comfortable as these children are used to when the parents are there. I cook when needed or when not asked, and always tidy up as I am there or as we go along, even as the children are “dare I say it” playing by themselves or eachother, you know just as it is when the parents are home and this has kept me returning to the same families over and over for many wonderful years. P.S. This is not meant to “bash” parents and the way they run their homes/families but to give some insight on how some of us sitters feel the extreme high expectations and insane requests to fill up our days with your children are slightly overboard. I do not think of myself as a “sitter” who comes in stays on the phone, texting, popping open the People magazine, etc. but I am only human and am pretty good at planning a wonderful day with the children in which I am in charge, and in a lot of instances that may involve just chitchatting with them, seeing what is new in their lives, browsing through their yearbooks, family albums, etc. It is not 8 or 9 hours of play, play, play, but just a half or full day of enjoying eachothers company and letting things fall where they may. Just relax and the kids will too, even if they are brought up in a stressed-out, planned to the minute household. I promise this works! Thanks.
August 3rd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I know how it is on both ends I am a mommy and a sitter.
1. I think a sitter has a right to have a cell phone, what if they have an emergencey. as long as it isn’t permenantly attached. Like a nap time it’s fine, some times a sitter needs a breather.
As far as cleaning up goes I do it at nap time only. I watch kids at my home I help them clean up. However I am there to make them happy I substitude for the time mom can’t be there so They are the center of the world. I can clean when they are gone.
2 Fits are another I find the fastest way to get them settled is to start a fun activity in another area. Kids don’t want to miss out so they are quick to calm down so they can join in.
3. Sitters need to understand that “little secrets” usually get exposed so you may not have a job after I find out. You may want to be their friend but find other ways to do it!
August 4th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Just wanted to respond to something Susanlamb said…Although I agree with a lot of what you said, I do think you are wrong on this point, “Why would any child ask or argue regarding a certain amount of TV time if they didn’t get to watch a good bit when the parents are home? It makes no sense. In other words, you all mention having children demanding constant TV time while you all are there, then would that not indicate that it is allowed and they are very used to watching whenever they want when the parents are home?”
We are not a TV-free house. We let our kids watch TV a little in the morning before school (when they are all the way ready) and then again in the evening for “one show” (20 min or so). So they get around 30 min per day.
My 5 y/o DD will beg for TV ALL DAY LONG if she is at home and isn’t busy with a game/project/task. If she gets involved in playing or art or goes outside, she won’t think twice about it, and will play for hours without asking for TV.
So if a child is asking/begging for TV, it’s not necessarily because they are allowed to watch TV all of the time. It’s because they are bored, and can’t think of something else to do.
Please do not assume that just because a child begs for TV that it means they are allowed to watch as much as they want when you are not there!
August 4th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
TOP 5 THINGS BABYSITTER WISHES THE PARENT WOULD HAVE TOLD HER SOONER OR FIRSTHAND:
1. Childbirth left you with some issues concerning incontinence and every time I squeeze you with my happy hugs you pee a little.
2. You hate it when I put the good knives in the dishwasher.
3. You didn’t find it funny when your toddler Isabel’s small and mysterious cribcloth bloodstain was explained by me with a shrug and the comment “I dunno, maybe she started her period.” (I love you, Wendy!)
4. You don’t want your two and a half year old son greeting people by “hitting the rock.” (The old knuckle to knuckle, cool kids way to say hello).
5. All of my awesome, scary, imaginative plays that included pretending like the couch was a canoe on a haunted river filled with leeches, sharks, and swimming monsters were giving your kids nightmares and making them fall asleep less easily at night.
Ah, funtimes with the kids.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
MDB says:
August 4th, 2008 at 6:23pm
When I am interviewed, I try to give a very good explanation of what I do for the children when the parent(s) are not there, i.e., I like to read and/or tell stories to the child or children who are capable of understanding what I am telling/reading them is all about; as for discipline, I believe in “tough love”, i.e., I am merely a “stand-in” for the parent, the rules that I follow are the ones I have talked over with the parents prior to taking care of their children. I don’t say no, unless I mean no. The same is true with yes! I also explain so that the child/children understand what they are going to do and not do, and why so, hopefully, they will be more cooperative because it is reasonable to do so. When children have temper tantrums, I leave them alone but with a watchful eye, or prepare another activity to distract them and get them into a better disposition. I never leave the room without the child or children with me — if I can’t see them, anything can happen and if you’re not there immediately with them if an accident occurs, how can you possibly know what has happened. Kids are kids and they are now what we were then. If I keep that in mind, I can keep ahead and not get upset if something happens. If something happens, I always tell the parent/parents when they get home. Thank God, I have never had something dangerous occur and someone get hurt. I love children and just remember that I was like that once upon a time whether or not I think I did that or not!
However, when a parent agrees with what you are doing before hand, and then criticizes or changes the rule when they are completely unaware of what has happened prior to criticizing you, what can you do except listen to them, try to explain what has happened that they may not be aware of, and if they trust you and know what you are like, that is the best thing that you can say, is simply tell them what happened (if they are willing to listen), and ask them if they can suggest a better way of handling the problem. If they are unwilling to deal with you face to face, simply say goodbye cheerfully, and try to write out the scenario when you get home, so when that call comes from the parent (as I have had on a couple of occasions), you can discuss it with them with all facts right there, and not just what you come up with (having had the parent forget the basic understanding about the incident that you thought you had with the parent about what you will do should certain things occur).
August 4th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
I am a babysitter of 3 girls. My husband and I do not even have a TV, and neither did my family when I was growing up. The families I babysit for usually tell me how much TV the kids are allowed to watch, and keep that schedule for the most part. I think that kids should be mentally and physically stimulated with other activities such as coloring, playing games, riding bikes, etc. The girls I babysit ask for it alot, and I don’t allow it except for the set amount. I think the best way to go is to ask for the parent’s preference and follow that!
August 4th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I am simply basing most of this on my own childcare experiences over the years. Case in point, several years ago I sat for a family through my agency for lets say 8 hours. I had the baby and the 3 year old at home, other in school. When I arrived I was handed an itinerary for the day and at the top in highlight it said, “absolutely no TV/Videos” and what was the little guy doing while I was reading this, “WATCHING POWER RANGERS” on a very tiny portable DVD player, which I would think would affect his eyesight at some point in his life. The mom leaves, the baby naps for close to 3 hours and the little guy and I stay in the floor of the upstairs playroom going though every toy in the room, (had to stay upstairs to be close to the nursery) and it was already beginning to be a long day. The little guy looks up at me and says “can we watch TV or a movie now?” and I being the bad guy had to say “no, sorry buddy, but that is not on the list for us to do today” and “we will need to think of something else to do”. He goes on to say “I know just when you “guyses” are here.” I asked “you mean the sitters”, he says “yeah, but we have to wait until dad comes home and we will watch our shows until we go to bed.” I said, “Oh, O.K. well that’s nice.” They may have had stock in Disney because the entire entertainment center was filled with everything that was ever produced by them. On the other hand, I sit for one particular family very regularly and they are the “get out the board game, lets go to the zoo, take the dog out to play kind of family. When I first started with them, things have changed somewhat over the years, she limited TV while I was there and you could tell the children were used to that, even the oldest who was 9 at the time. The youngest 3 then, would actually get up and turn off the TV as soon as our movie was over and they would say to each other “we can’t watch anything else”. So we sitters did not just fall off of the truck, we can see through most of these situations and as I stated before I fit best with families who are a little more lenient in their instructions and I just try to keep things as they are used to. I have been with new families over the years that need a Friday night sitter and the minute you walk in the door the parent has told the children you are there to “play with them”. Why do kids who are school-aged and have spent the last 8 hours from getting ready for school to everything afterwards, sports, activities, lessons, homework, etc. need to have someone show up ready to play with them. I enjoy seeing what the kids want to do and overseeing that with both fun and supervision. My own children, who are young adults now, always just wanted to do their own thing on their own time when they came in. It could be getting a snack, getting on the computer, hanging outside with their friends, riding bikes, or just going to their rooms to relax. Never did I have activities planned after their activities. They are both in college and completely normal and happy individuals. Last point, I know the going trend in nanny ads seems to be now “I want someone to interact and keep my child busy while you are here with activities, outdoor adventures, arts/craft projects, singing, reading, etc.” I find this ridiculous. Children do not have to be engaged 24/7. They also need time to relax, have “downtime”, think for and play by themselves and just know that I am there for them to turn to for anything they need or require. It is o.k for children to be bored!!!!!!! I took the two girls that I keep twice a week to a free movie last week, out to lunch (never ask the mom for activity money), I just enjoy getting out and breaking up the long day, and swimming and the 5 year old still said it was “boring” when we got back home for the younger sister to take her daily nap. We do this twice a week! I get her to lay down and relax so I too can have some downtime (yes, I said it) and she actually survived the rest of the day and even had a smile on her face! Imagine that!
August 5th, 2008 at 8:52 am
WOW!!!!! Ladies please save your lengthy emails for a different blog. This started out as some great points on both sides and we have lost track. We are all different parents and that is what makes it difficult for sitters but that is part of the job and getting $10-20 a hour is much better than flipping burgers at 5xx.
Many of us grew up in an era where we didnt have 300 channels to watch or even have a tv we just played outside all day but now times are different with many other stimulants and we just need to relax and set reasonable rules and go with what the parents ask. Kids are smart and they will do anything to get you to believe them but just laugh and smile at them trying and move on. Have FUN with our kids cause we do trust you and worry if they are happy when we are gone.
For the younger sitters and technology addicted…as this blog started out…leave your cell phones in your car. Texting and looking at your phones while you are with our children is the rudest thing I have ever witnessed. The excuse that you didn’t get my email or phone message is not believable…just be honest. Parents know everyone checks there email everyday or every hour and carry their phones on their hips so just save the blah.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I’m not sure that I understand the first tip the blog mentions, about a sitter never saying things like, “because Mom and Dad said so” or “because Mommy doesn’t want you to get hurt.” Sometimes kids are upset about the rules– disappointed that it’s bedtime, or that they may not have another piece of pie– and they get frustrated about it. Really frustrated! So when the sitter must enforce an unpopular household rule, I find it a necessary fall-back to remind the kids that these are Mom and Dad’s rules– that surely they (the kids) are used to them, and that the things they are allowed/not allowed to do are not randomly decided on by me (and my peculiar, baby-sitterly whims). Because this is true: I did not make the the rules of the home– they are invented, and constantly revised, by the parents, and I’ve got to be loyal to that.
Incidentally, sometimes certain rules can seem incredibly random/unnecessary to me, but of course I know it is my job to adhere to them. Once I told a child that, no, he could not watch the dinosaur show on PBS on a rainy day. When he asked why, I could not think of an actual reason; to me, it seemed like the show would be a nice, calming activity after a day of crafts and games. Instead, I had to abide by the “no TV ever” household rule and I had a very cranky child on my hands. I explained to him (reminded him, really) that these were not MY rules- they were his parents’ rules for the household- and that it was my job to follow them in order to keep him safe. He was much less ornery when he realized that the TV rule was not devised by me; he was used to it, and I was not sent there as an agent to prohibit him from having fun!
Similarly, when younger children are particularly unruly before bedtime, I find that a gentle reminder of “what Mommy/Daddy said about going to bed at 8:30″ is crucial in getting them to settle down and remember that the real consequences of misbehavior would not be from me, but from their parents.
I don’t think that these comments are deflections of responsibility on the sitter’s part, nor indictments against the parents. Mentioning Mom and Dad is, rather, a reiteration of the parents’ authority; it’s a good thing sometimes. And I also disagree with the notion that a caregiver should pretend like all of the parents’ rules are “universal.” I mean, I remain an authority figure when I’m baby-sitting, but I don’t just pretend that I know all the moral truths of the universe and that I am infallible and that the world is black and white. This seems dishonest and manipulative when it comes to the kids I sit for, who are a bit older (8 and up) and very bright.
Perhaps it is because I am used to older children that I feel the way I do. Because if you’re dealing with a four-year-old or something, of course the rules must be presented in black and white terms. But kids do grow up and catch on to the nature of things. That’s probably the most important thing I have learned from being a nanny so far.
August 5th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Hey, just to let everyone know, those of us that are under 20 and babysitting kids do not just sit around and check email, call friends, etc. I do not get on the computer while babysitting, and the only phone calls I make are to my husband, to check in once or twice during the day. Some older people have stereotypes about the younger generation being on the computer and cell phone all the time. And I don’t think it’s fair. I am 18, married, and consider myself very mature. So please, parents, don’t put everyone in the same boat. Get to know us before making assumptions! I absolutely love kids and put them first in everything!
August 8th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
is anyone else a lil freaked out by kadi84’s message? it’s funny, but uh…
August 8th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
yeah, kinda trying to figure out number 3. TMI for me!
August 8th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
IT IS DERANGED! What may be funny (or not) is that she probably stays busier than all of us put together!
August 10th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Yes, I strongly agree about the 5 tips you do not want the babysiter to do. I understand thenm and I will follow them exacally as instucted. And do not worry I will follow every rule, and yes I also agree to not let the child have it their way or they will become spoiled, I agree.
August 10th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
So…I have been thinking about the cell phone comments. I agree with not talking on your phone while sitting etc…however I carry mine with me because that is how the parents get ahold of me. I am a go to the park, the musuem, play outside as much as I possible can kind of sitter and I can’t bring the house phone with me! None of my parents have ever mentioned this a problem and I would hope if it was they would let me know. I have always stressed communication in all of my family/sitter relationships because if I am doing something incorrectly then tell me just like a boss would at any other job. I like feedback good or bad so that I can continue doing things the parents like or change so that the children can have the most enjoyable experience with me:)
August 12th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I think #1 is negotiable. I never give into a temper tantrum but i’m not the parent so I feel awkward disciplining a child who’s not mine. I was a nanny for a boy who threw hard objects, slapped, and pushed me but I knew the parents would be upset if I tried to hold him back from his “emotions.” Some parents prefer the stern face/time-out routine and others believe their child is just venting. I honestly think to nanny a child the parent and sitter must have the same mind-set on how to handle a situation. Otherwise, the child will get confused and favor one over the other during tantrums..if that makes any sense.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Hi I am a Nanny for 2 wonderful kids. The only real problem is that out of guilt and longing to spend time with their kids, the parents keep them overstimulated into the night and then wonder why the kids have a hard time falling asleep. I arrive at 8 am to either sleeping kids…school starts at 9…or very cranky kids that get carried into preschool with their head on my shoulders, already tired. I have told the parents that kids need their sleep to grow and stay healthy. It falls on deaf ears. I think the parents believe that kids make up for lack of sleep on the weekend (not). When the behavior is ubearable due to lack of sleep, my heart breaks for these two tots. (2 and 4 yr old)
August 25th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I absolutely agree with Susanlamb. I am 54 and have been in childcare for many years. Each day brings something new, and I just go with the flow. I care for 3 little ones a 3yr old and 1yr old twins. It is almost impossible to have an itinery for each day. I agree that many times parents will say no TV and the whole time they are home the TV is on. ( again they want someone to be the bad guy) As far as cell phones, I have to carry my cell phone because I have elderly parents who are not in good health and may need to get in touch with me. ( do the parents have a way of contacting others in an emergency situation? You can bet their cell phones are with them and on at all times). If they don’t trust that I have good judgement than don’t hire me.
As far as telling the children that Mommy and Daddy set the rules, be honest they do set the rules. Parents want to be the good guys, sorry it is time to parent now, be friends later. Don’t make ME the bad guy. I don’t set the rules, you do. I also tell the little guy how happy and proud Mommy and Daddy will be when I tell them what a good boy he has been or when he has accomplished something new, so it works both ways. If you are looking for Mary Poppins, I’m not it, but if you want someone who is super experienced has taken care of more children than I can count and falls in love with these little critters than than you are looking in the right place.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I do have a comment on tantruming. I also worked in the school system for many years with children with autism and attended many workshops and have dealt with tantrums on many levels. Some were aggressive physical tantrums that couldn’t be ignored because of the potential for injury, however the screaming should definately be ignored and although I agree, Lilly07, you lost me when you said that when the child screams louder, reminding him to quiet down because it isn’t going to get him what he wants is already giving him attention, no matter how loud or how long, just continue to ignore it. I know how frustrating it is, but any attention, whether it is positive or negative is still attention.
September 3rd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
I have a reply to the tv situation. I love the animal planet, discovery channel, history channel, the weather channel and so do the children that I tend. We all learn a great deal watching things that are a part of a well rounded child. I have raised two wonderful children of my own and we often went to Science museums and also different kinds of learning things such as the crayola factory and the jelly bean factory. TV is not a bad thing. Just like everything else, it is what you allow your children and the children that you are tending, to be exposed to. Mindless shows that are on the disney channel and such and cartoon network are not allowed because they simply do not teach anything and when I tend children they have always been just as interested in learning channels than in mindless junk
September 4th, 2008 at 3:06 am
i do agree with the tantrum comment. i have 3 1/2 year old a two year old and a 6 month old. my 3 year old is just a handfull by herself. when she throws her tantrums it is very hard for me just to let her scream it out. but i do know she will become a better person in life if she isnt spoiled.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Sittercity2323- WOW! $10 to $20???? Where do I sign up?
People around here balk at over $3 an hour, and I’m 48 years old and have raised three kids myself
September 19th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Um, is anyone else looking for the “Top 5 things that Babysitters want to tell Parents” ??? Parents, you’re paying us to do a good job, so if there’s a problem just be upfront about it. However, from a nanny’s POV - those really look like things that most PARENTS need to know and that maybe a lot of the time the parent just needs to BACK OFF and let us do our job. Assuming that you did your research and an extensive hiring process, you’ve got someone caring for your children who is experienced with children and comes highly recommended. How about working together and not acting like we’re partner’s in crime with your child.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I am a babysitter and those are all good things parents should tell sitters. And a good babysitter would know to leave his/her cell phone in the car and to never beleive a 5 year old…lol. It all comes down to picking the right sitter. I just became a new parent and I can tell you I wouldnt want my sitter playing comp games, talking on phone, or texting when they are suppose to physically interacting with the child.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:15 am
I have a comment on leaving the cellphone in the car. All of my parents have made sure that I have a cellphone so that they can get ahold of me at all times. I never play games or text while I am babysitting. I do however, call my husband once or twice a day to let him know I got there and also when I leave. (we are newlyweds). I only talk when the kids are napping or watching the one movie a day they are allowed. I don’t think it’s fair to judge if a babysitter is “good” by whether or not she leaves her cellphone in the car. Of course, all sitters should talk with the family about this subject, but I keep mine with me always in case of emergency.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 am
I am an excellent nanny and follow the parents rules. I am also a mom. I keep my phone with me in case of emergency -not in the car. If you are a professional about it most parents won’t mind.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I am a parent who has had an in-home caregiver in the past, and in response to the “there’s always stuff to do” rule, I found that to be an unfair expectation in our particular case. Our caregiver did so many things with my very active two-year-old throughout the day that, aside from naptime, she had very little down-time to straighten up and even just regroup.
I did not, however, like walking into a house where the sink was full of dishes that weren’t ‘mine’ or where the floor had play-dough crumbs that needed to be swept. So we made a deal… I started coming home 15 minutes earlier each day to take my son off her hands, and she used that uninterrupted time to straighten up. It worked well.
November 25th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
All of these are apparent to the majority of nannies who’ve had lengthy experience working with children, but it’s always good to put it out there - Great for anyone who might have needed these reminders.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Having been doing childcare from the time I was 11 and being 66 (a very healthy,active,creative 66, I will add) the foremost rule,that I have found that helps BOTH parents & kids, in addition to nannies is that the job is made easier for all if the parents & the nannies are philosophically aligned.This simplifies everything.
December 10th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I dont think u should give in to a tantrum, but the 2 moms of the twin girls I keep give in to every tantrum the one twin has to keep her happy. Then they look at me cross because I dont want to put up with it. I try to stop it before it starts by ignoreing her and keep moving and tending to the other child and mine, but if mommies are home they stop everything to focus on her tantrum. She loves it , its like she has her own little stage, ugh! I mostly feel bad for her sister who is put on the back burner while they focus on the negative behavior of the other.
I also agree w/ christine027 about parents taking advantage of me leaving the house a mess when I get there and expecting me to have it spottless when they return. I’m a nanny not a maid. How am I supposed to interact w/ ur kids if I’m cleaning ur house. If you want me to clean dont give me a list of activities to do w/ the kids and pay me extra, cause I’ll do it for the money!
And one other thing dont make me the bad guy, no sweets, tv, early bed time, ect., if thats not whats happening when ur around. I dont want kids that dont respect me cause they have free for all when parents are home cause they feel bad they have to leave their kids w/ a sitter. It makes the job much harder when a child tells you,”no, cause when my gets home she wont make me____or mom will let me have_____.” I’ve had parents undermind my authority and then I have no control over their child and thats dangerous for everyone.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:02 am
In general, these points are good reminders of parents’ expectations for sitters and nannies. I agree with many of the previous posts comments referring to parents following the same rules.
I find it frustrating to have a no TV/video/computer/video game rule while I’m there and the moment mom walks in the door, she shuffles the kids off to the TV room to watch or play video games for an hour. I wish parents could experience 2 full days with their kids trying to live by the same rules set forth for the nanny. I think it would be eye-opening.
I also disagree with leaving my cell phone in the car. In my situation, the house phone is off limits. So the mother calls or texts me on my cell during the day. I think if you hire someone responsible to watch your kids, then you should trust their judgment about cell phone usage. Sitters should use their phones while nannying about as much as they would in an office setting where their boss could see the number of ‘personal’ calls made each day.
Finally, regarding enforcing rules as if they are universal laws recognized by all adults….. I am assuming that Strollerderby is referring to those moments when the a 3 year old wants ice cream for lunch. Hopefully, we would all disagree with this as if it was a universal law. However, acting in this way about all situations can create insecurities unnecessarily. Instead, engage the child by asking “why do you think it might be unsafe to have more than 1 kid on the trampoline?” Let them think it through. Likely, they know the answer already & will be willing to play by the rules if they have reasoned it through.
December 19th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
nannysarah85 is right on target!!!!………..not that I dont agree with the rules..I’m very good about rules kids have to have them
January 5th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Top 5 Things Caregivers Want To Tell Parents:
5. Don’t make ME the bad guy! If you establish a rule you expect to be adhered too, take responsibility for doing so. If you or your child thinks that makes you the bad guy, take the time needed to explain your rule to the child and understand that is part of being a Parent. I will not lie to or create false beliefs in your child for the sake of you being “guilt free” or unaccountable for your actions. Know that I am not “throwing you under the bus” just for kicks, I use the “because that is the rule your parents established and I must abide by” only as a last resort.
4. Trust my good judgment in regards to my cell phone, it may be your child that benefits from my instant access in an emergency! Yes, I know there is always something to do, it is usually what negates my ability to eat lunch or even catch my breath for fear of being accused of not completing the impossible list of things you expect me to do without compensation while simultaneously providing the stellar childcare you actually hired me to do (and are not compensating me fairly for to begin with).
3. Believe that I am intelligent enough to know, or at least strongly question whether your child is lying or not. Did I give you some reason to suspect my ability to make a logical conclusion? Also give me permission to apply an appropriate consequence when your child lies to me so that we can together teach that they must be accountable for the lies they tell.
2. Never undermine my authority with your child by “excusing” them from a consequence I have imposed due to inappropriate behavior.
1. DO NOT DISCUSS MY POSITION AND AUTHORITY IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD. No matter how upset you are with me. No matter what I did (or you think I did) or did not do. Do not speak directly to me, or discuss it with your husband/wife/mother/friend or even a stranger, as it will have negative repercussions on everyone especially your child. Be an adult, be respectful, be responsible and resolve your issues privately away from your child.
Gosh, I feel so much better!