What to Call Your Babysitter
There was a recent Dear Abby column (don’t laugh) where one concerned reader wondered what her children should call their babysitter. She wrote: “I have two children under the age of 4. When they address adults — including babysitters — I have taught them to preface it with ‘Ms.’ or ‘Mr.’ and the person’s first name. We consider it a form of respect, and although I realize that each parent has her (or his) own take on this, it has begun to bother me when their children address us by our first names. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?” — WONDERING IN LIVONIA, MICH.
We know that in different areas, it can be very different. Many parents in the south prefer their children to call young adults such as babysitters “Miss [First Name].” In certain schools in other parts of the country, teachers are called by their first names only.
We’ve been harping on professionalism and respect, so is this an extension of that? Does it truly matter to any of you sitters what your charges call you? Does age play a factor? Parents, is it something you ever considered or did it not cross your mind?
July 10th, 2008 at 10:21 am
All of the children I have ever babysat for just called me by my first name, no Miss or Ms. before it. I actually prefer that because I’m not their teacher or someone very formal. By calling me by my first name it makes us more like friends and I like that because they still respect me (because I am older) but we can still fool around and everything is relaxed.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I get called “Miss” Tiffany or Tiffy or Tiff, but never by my last name. I think that is too formal. I think the “Miss” is just natural to most parents who are accustomed to calling people in authority by some kind of title.
I don’t think any of my parents insist on their kids using “miss”, but most of them do anyway because that’s how I often refer to myself. It’s habit. I grew up in the South and have since been transplanted to Michigan. The culture here is very different and academic and life revolves around a clock. People here often can’t be troubled with such trivialities of “miss or mr.” and don’t both with it.
It doesn’t matter either way. I did have one little girl that couldn’t say “miss Tiffany”, but wanted to desperately. It finally came out as “sTiffany”, which was adorable and lasted for a year! I kinda miss it!
July 10th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I usually have the kids I baby sit for call me by my first name unless their parents tell them not to. I babysat for a couple in D.C who I adore dearly. The parents called me by my first name and the kids called me “Miss” and my first name . It was fine for me. I also worked as an after school counselor and they called me “Miss” along with my first name. That was in D.C. Up north it’s totally different. You can call everyone by their first name it seems. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m older and that’s what you do or if that’s just the way it is. I think if your an older sitter out of respect the kids should call you “Miss___” but it’s really up to you!!!! What about the reverse calling parents by their first names?
July 10th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Momboss refers to me as “Miss Caitlin” but then again she also calls me “Kiddo” sometimes, which drives me nuts. But the Miss Caitlin part is kind of sweet and it would be cute if my charge grows up calling me that but right now his vocabulary is limited and he only calls me “Girl”. Ha!
July 10th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I prefer kids to say “Miss Whitney.” I am an 18 year old babysitter, and when kids just say my first name, it makes me feel like I’m just one of their kid friends! I guess it’s not really a big deal, but I do prefer the “miss” with my first name. It’s really cute to hear the younger ones especially say it.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Back where I come from you don’t call your parents by their first names because they are not your equals they are your parents and its a sign of respect for the younger ones to know that there is a difference between being an adult and a child. Personally I don’t mind, either way its fine with me.:)
July 10th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I’m Vietnamese and in our culture we always call our elders (even older siblings) by the English equivalent of “Mr.” or “Miss” or “Older Sister”, etc. and then their first names so the Vietnamese children I sit for do that. The other children I sit for just calls me by my first name. Most parents introduce me to their children by my first name anyway. When I taught preschool though the kids just called me Miss Thuy with no prompting.
However, it took some getting used to for me to call the parents by just their first names.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I live in the Boston area and the kids I sit for just call me by my first name which is fine with me, they also call all other adults with the exception of their teachers by their first names. I also call their parents by their first names, which took some getting used to since when I was a kid we called all the neighbors, friends parents etc. Mr. or Mrs and their last name. I guess its just becoming more common to just use first names at least in this part of the country.
July 12th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I live in Pennsylvania and children have always called me by my first name. The only time I was referred to as “Miss First Name” was when I worked in a school. I prefer they call me by my first name because it allows them to develop a closer bond–like siblings. I’d rather kids think of me as their much older sister than a formal babysitter. Suffixes have always seem to instill the idea of strictness/rules. I have rules, but I’d like children not to need to be punished…children watch their “big sis!”
As for the parents, I start by calling them “Mrs.” or “Mr.” but usually they prefer I call them by their first name. Especially single-divorced parents. But ALWAYS start out by using a suffix! It’s just respect!
July 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I work at the preschool part time, for younger children, and it bothers me when they are forced to use the term Miss. Brianne, instead of Bri. I’m not there to be a boss, i’m there to help them, I don’t want children looking at me as someone they are forced to respect, instead I would rather be a friend and someone they can trust and learn from.
July 13th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
by my two older ones i get called Samantha (my first name) but by my two year old i keep he calls me mama haha. They are all great kids. I think Samantha is just hard to say at first. Others have called me mamfa, mamf, lol the responeses are endless you just learn to love it!
July 13th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I like keeping it simple, as my name username connotes, they call me Mz Mary… a friend they could confide in or someone who’s in charge on those times I have to use my VOA (Voice of Authority) or that “Just one Look” before getting into trouble…
July 15th, 2008 at 2:48 am
I like to keep it simple for the children as well. I did have a boy whom called me Miss Gaye. The other kids call me Gaye -Gaye. I love it anytime I hear a child speak my name. I leave it up to the children’s parents as to what they would feel comfortable with.Im a kid at heart as well or I wouldnt be in this business. Gaye -miss Gaye- Gaye -Gaye , there all fine with me.
July 15th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I live and work in NYC. The melting pot of different cultures. I’ve been called by my first, and Ta Ta. That’s like saying calling a non relative woman your aunt. Either way is fine by me as long as there is respect and understanding who’s the adult and who’s the child.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I’m a nanny who is engaged, so for now I’m Miss Jenny, which I think is just adorable. But when I get married in less than 11 months… I’m not sure on how I’ll feel with the Misses Jenny thing. I’ll still be pretty young (21), and I just think I’ll feel pretty darn old with that.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:07 am
The little boy I nanny for is 15 months and behind in speach, so he can’t say my name. I’ve only been working for this family 6 weeks now and he can say “nanny” then I ask him to point to nanny and he will point to me. Another girl I use to babysit for, also behind in speach had a hard time saying my name, Janell. So I thought her to call me “nelly” Thats what she calls me and her parents as well.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I call the parents Ms/mr but only 1 has had their children call me Ms Lhia.
I think it is respectful.
July 20th, 2008 at 10:10 am
I like to be called by my first name, its more personal, these are kids I am spending a lot of time with, they are like family to me. One family even calls me auntie Amy, but most others just call me Amy or for the younger ones “Meme” haha. One little girl I watched called any young woman “Deto” it was her own category she made up for a young nice woman that helps her in some way (babysitter, store clerk, nurse etc)
July 26th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I’ve really just been called my first name usually, and thats fine with me. I usually am close to or become close to the families that I work with, so it’s not that formal.
Being in the south though, I have had some families who insist on their kids calling me “Miss Sarah.” Either way works for me!
July 28th, 2008 at 6:45 am
I usually go with what the parents want. I dont mind at all if they call me by my first name. To me it’s respecting the parents wishes they are your employer.
I had a baby i cared for from the time he was 3 mths.to 18months, he absoulutely knew who momma and dadda were ,I ha him from 7:30 -4 4 days a wk. As time went by,this baby was very observant ,very sharp ,he enjoyed educationel tv programs, he had a difficult time saying my first name,we all would say it to him as he would try continuously to express,long story short I BECAME TO HIM DEE DEE OR MOMMA, we would always correct,he did know who momma was. I see the family on his bithday and he has learned to say my name name correctly and clear.
It all depends on how the parents handle things and the level of maturity and respect. We laugh today and I call this child my step grandson hes now getting closer to 4yrs old ,the parents moved him up at 18 mths to formal educationel care,
,but as an infant he was cared for at his home without the constant moving every morning as the parents went out to run their own bussiness. things can be worked out well if respect and maturity are part of the planninf and care of the child.
August 7th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Kathi is a very hard name for most little ones to say correctly, when the little boy of a set of triplets started pronouncing my name I wasn’t to sure what he was saying. About this time I was thinking I wanted these very special kids and therr older brother (by 21 months!) to call me something besides Kathi, or Kaffy, Kahee. His grandmother said he’s calling you “Botchie” and so that’s who I am to these kids and other special ones. The kids made it up them selves. And as I am grandmotherly age it’s perfect. I LOVE my name, it’s been with me now for close to 5 years! To other kids I’m Miss Kathi or as best as they can say it!
August 7th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
At the school where I teach 2-3-year-olds, all teachers are Miss or Mister - I am Miss Denny, but it is fine if my students just call me Denny. I have one family for whom I baby-sit in which the parents and grandparents call me Miss Denny (so taht the kids will, too), but all other kids call me Denny. I remember having one parent ask me what her kids should call me. At the time, her kids were about 10 and 12 and I was about 20, so I didn’t think the age difference was enough to necessitate such a formality.
There’s a 3-year-old in my class who said her parents are giving her candy for calling people ma’am and sir… I told her not to call me ma’am because I’m not old enough to be ma’am. My grandmother did some baby-sitting in her 70s, and I can see that it makes sense to call her Miss Bobbie at that age; however, I do not like such formality. I have been at my current school for about 1.5 years and have therefore gotten used to the formality, but I prefer if people just call me Denny.
I remember that the baby-sitters in The Baby-Sitters Club books called the parents of charges Mrs./Mr./Dr. Last Name, but that would be so hard to me - especially now that I’m almost as old as some of the parents (well, maybe 10 years away - though there are certainly many people my age with kids). I feel like there’s a certain friendliness that is often between parents and their baby-sitter or nanny, and using their last name makes that hard. However, I don’t know all of the parents’ names of kids at my school, so it’s always helpful for them to say something like, “Hi, this is Mary Smith, Jane and Emily’s mom…” if they contact me for baby-sitting or something else outside of school.
When we do our morning circle, we’ll do an attendance whereby we go around and ask the kids who is here and what various kids’ names are, and then we do the teachers after that. My lead teacher corrected the kids the other day and made sure we were Miss denny, etc., but I’ve had another lead teacher (younger) who made sure to tell her staff that the kids don’t have to call us Miss So-and-so. To each his own, I guess. I’d have a hard time working in a public school for a while though because it’d be hard for me to get used to using my last name - but I guess I could use an initial, which is what my roommate does.
August 8th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
It makes no difference to me what my charges call me, but as i’m 17 I still refer to my parents friends as miss barbara or mr allan. I’ve lived in the south for 8 years, before that when I lived in chicago we called our friends parents by their first names.
August 8th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I think that because you get so close to children especially as a full tim nanny it is important to establish that you are more than a beloved playmate or friend. All of my charges have always adressed me as Ms., and I correct them if they do note. Infants are different i am more flexible with just the first name because they can barely day it anyway. when my last infant learned to speak and moved from calling me my my first name he would say mama before my name and now as a 2 year old he adresses me as Ms.. THis is definately because of the support of the parents who address me as Ms. in the pressence of the children. I think that is necessary in order to maintain some sort of boundary and respect.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Since I am a great grandmother and Nana to my grandchildren I came up with a shortened version of Grandma Gloria… “G.G.” most kids can say that quite young and it’s a soft sounding term of endearment. (Gloria is too hard for a lot of little kids to say.)
Even my own great grandchildren get a kick out of being able to call me G.G. Nana vs. Nana to all my grandkids. In that case G.G. stands for great Grandma!
I have been called Miss Gloria by families I have worked with but I much prefer “G.G.”
November 16th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
The family’s I’ve been a nanny for have always called me by my first name, but at the daycare I currently work at I’m supposed to be called Ms Katrina. I don’t make the kids say it though, and I mostly work with the 1 year olds and they can’t say it anyway. For babysitting I’ve always had the kids and the parents call me by my first name, but I’m still not quite used to calling parents by their first names rather than Mr. or Mrs.
November 19th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
It doesn’t seem right to have a child call an adult by just their first name. When I was growing up, I would never have dreamed of calling one of my friends parents by their first name. I have trouble doing it now. Children should learn how to address their elders respectfully. It’s not an insult to be called ma’am, its teaching that child manners. When they have that kind of good base to work with, learning other manners will be easier.
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 am
I usually just go with whatever the parents introduce me to their child as. Most parents I nanny/ babysit for are older than me and when they address me as Miss Tammi it makes me feel like they understand that I am an adult as well. I don’t mind being called just Tammi by any means. I try to respect the wishes of the parents and try to make everyone comfortable. But if a parent asks their child to call me Miss Tammi than I would expect that of them all the time ….not just when their parents are there.
November 24th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Here is a Northerner who DOES like the “Miss”. I’m pretty sure Mary Poppins never went by plain “Mary”!
For children under 5, saying “Miss Chris” might be a mouthful. But for bigger kids, I like the Miss: I know that I will play games and have lots of fun with the kids, but I want it clear to them, the parents, and myself that I am the adult in the house when mom/dad is gone. I’m the one the kids will rely on if they are arguing, missing their parents, or need help. I’m not their little pal: I’m the caring grown-up who is there to help and protect them. Adding the “Miss” is not unfriendly, and it sets a good precedent for kids meeting new adults in the future. For parents, I’ll go with how they refer to themselves on the phone with me (ie: “Hi Christine, this is Amy/Mrs. Davis”…)
November 25th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
First of all i would like to say “charge” is a phenomonal term. Secondly I wonder why we as adults need to be deciphered from children by the prefix miss, mr, or mrs. I also wonder why we need to be deciphered as adults in the first place (philosphycally not psychotically speaking). There comes a point in time when children base all of thier main ideals around peers rather then authority. Depending on what development children are at being more of a friend to a child then an authoritative figure can come in handy. As babysitters we have a unique abilty to swindle our way in and maintain any role necessary for that particular child at that particular moment in thier development. Although parents should (in my belief) maintain more of an authoritative role then a friend; babysitters can and should be whatever the child in that moment needs him/her to be. Having a prefix at the beginning of your name does not change whom or what you are to the child unless the child is conditioned to respect those in possession of that prefix in the first place. Therefore I believe the decision to have a prefix in front a child care professional’s name is one that should be made entirely by the parent otherwise it will have either no effect on how the child percieves you or may go so far as to confuse the child because the concept of prefixes will be entirely too abstract. BASICALLY LEAVE IT UP TO THE PARENTS.